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Thursday, April 05, 2012 @ 10:21 PM The boy who once told me that he loves to talk to me, now only gives me 5 minutes to talk! I totally don't like it and don't deserve to be treated this way. And tears rolling down my cheeks now just seem to be in vain..
--------------------------------- Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 11:57 AM [psalms]
Whatever we learn from a psalm, whatever questions raised or answers given--we must never forget that it is first a prayer. It contains intimate words spoken to God. When we pray these prayers, we join the faithful across time and history. These prayers do not ask us to put on blinders, ignoring the darkest valley and the wilderness we encounter. Rather these prayers invite us to joyfully affirm that, though darkness comes, we will not be afraid because the Good Shepherd stays close beside us. Prayer is the honest acknowledgement of life as it is and a faithful recentering to life as God makes (and will make) it to be :) Prayer helps us sheep follow our Shepherd :) --------------------------------- Sunday, March 25, 2012 @ 1:15 PM [Via Dolorosa]
In view of Good Friday and this season of Lent... --------------------------------- @ 1:00 PM [a meaningful picture]
Indeed, our culture and mindset has shifted. May we learn to persevere on and face things bravely rather than shudder away. --------------------------------- Friday, March 23, 2012 @ 10:40 AM [waiting]
Waiting can tempt us to see a murky picture of God's faithfulness, rather than the generous perfection of His timing. It's like a child waiting to be adopted. When adopted, it turns a parentless boy or girl from a state of starvation to good nutrition, despair to hope, abandonment to community. But there are still many orphans and the process takes long. Yet, when the time comes, it is perfect, cos you know that God prepares the hearts of the parents to invite the orphans to a loving home. And God prepares the hearts of those who pray and wait patiently. --------------------------------- Saturday, March 10, 2012 @ 12:36 AM [love letters]
Recently, Christopher bought me this really lovely and sweet and romantic book! It's really nice with a collection of different love poems by different people. The poems are really sweet and sincere. The nicest thing is that Chris doesn't just buy it and there! give it to me. But he said that he read through each one to make sure he meant what they say. And reading them, one each day, makes me feel like Chris is reading those exact words to me. It really touches my heart and it feels very personal. Then it makes me think: actually God does write love letters to us. And His love and words are more intense than these! The depth of His love is unfanthomable, yet, scribed in words through Psalmist, the life of different people, through Jesus and the letters written by the apostles. Then it makes me feel bad for reading this book diligently everyday but failing to do it similarly in reading the Bible diligently. And not just without consistency but with lack of enthusiasm and excitement and anticipation and wonder. Quite the contrary of my response to the book :( it's sad. Really sad. While I'm appreciative of the book, I'm also guilt ridden for my attitude towards the Bible. Nonetheless, I'm still thankful that this book came by, to give me a reflection and draw a parallel. I hope I'll do something about it! Soon! Here's the picture of the book:  --------------------------------- Thursday, March 08, 2012 @ 10:21 AM [love]
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.
--------------------------------- Wednesday, March 07, 2012 @ 2:26 PM [joyful noise]
A really nice movie! Christian show too. Really sad it got poor ratings. It was really touching, inspiring and meaningful. I really enjoyed it. Addresses real questions and conflicts in a family :( like when the son has this syndrome that makes him different from other kids. He told him mum, "If you love me, you would hate Him. Hate him for making me like that." very real question and very hard to answer. But I like this quote the best: if you can't fit into the small box, God won't squeeze you in, just so that you'll fit. Instead, He'll make a bigger box just for you. Like telling you that God has a bigger plan for you, despite your flaws and abnormality. I like the music too! From here to the moon and back is my favourite :) Glad I got free tickets to watch the sneaks yesterday! :) --------------------------------- Sunday, March 04, 2012 @ 8:44 PM [recess week?]
Many people had written on fb that this time's recess week ended pretty fast. Hmm. As for me, I don't feel much of it, somehow. I just feel not much of a difference. Maybe it's because I've been missing lectures all along, so now I seem ok with recess week. Every week, during the semester, it feels like recess week :P Good or bad sign? --------------------------------- Saturday, March 03, 2012 @ 1:05 AM [blogger app]
I really like the new app available for blogger. Wanted to type a post today while on the go and suddenly thought that there might just be app for it! Lo and behold! There really was! And it feels good cos it's easier and I can be more assured that the information will be saved and posted. Makes things so much more convenient and simpler. Ans strangely enough, I have more inspiration to write on my blog these days. Maybe because someone is busier now and I don't have an outlet so I'm writing here. But it feels good. I feel good. At least I know I'm not letting my readers down. I rmb kok siong asking me why I haven't blogged for a long time. Was totally unexpected cos I didn't think he would check on my blog regularly. But I also know someone else would be reading it but I didn't tell him I have been blogging. Don't feel like saying so cos some of my posts do talk about him and I still want to have that freedom to air it out. Maybe, as more and more posts are written, the unpleasant ones would be chucked to the bottom, left unread, and then, I won't need to face much consequences... --------------------------------- @ 12:26 AM [how we used to]
Haven't had a late night super long chat with you for a long time. Where we just talk about anything and everything until we ran out of things to say. There's always something at the back of mind everytime I put down the phone. Something left unsaid. Something I wanted to say but just can't. Wish the nights are longer and there's less things that crowds your night. So that you will be less tired when you talk to me and can devote more time to me. More than just the minutes that passed by but the quality of conversation that comes with it... I want to talk to you, like how we used to. Those were the times when I smile the most. When I know that I made you smile too. Please, can we talk on the phone, just like last time, for once? --------------------------------- Friday, March 02, 2012 @ 3:50 PM [unfaithfulness]
I realized that the worry of infidelity is never ending. Your partner can cheat on you when you are dating. Fancy some other girl whom he just met. Immediately click it off and wonder why there is no more spark and why everything becomes so mundane between he and I. And there he goes off with another. Your partner can cheat on you after engagement. I think this is the worst. When all dreams are going to come true, you find out he fancy someone else and perhaps, loved you once but not anymore. Your partner can cheat on you after tying the knot and when you are married. Needless to say more. It happens all around us now. And so, it's a never-ending one. From the time you entrust your heart to someone human, you subject yourself to a risk of it. If it comes, there's really nothing for you to do because it reveals the man's heart--unfaithful heart. So then, perhaps, there's no need to worry. No need to constantly think about it. No need to occupy your mind with it and think of different scenarios. If it comes, then there's only one ending. If it comes, it's a loss yet not a loss. A loss of a friendship, of time spent, energy used, money spent, memories created. Yet not a loss cos this guy isn't worth your friendship, time, energy, money and love anymore. He doesn't deserve it. And so, perhaps, this picture would fit everything. When there's loss and pain and confusion, God is still intervening and says "He's not yours to keep and to hold. He belongs to someone else. And someone else belongs to you." People call this picture "Sovereignty of God", I call it "Acknowledging and submitting to God through pain".  --------------------------------- Wednesday, February 22, 2012 @ 11:21 PM [friendships]
Just read an article from the Thought Catalogue on losing a best friend [http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/losing-a-best-friend/]. Quite a good one. Speaks volumes about what I'm feeling especially on the part when you scroll to the name and feel like calling the person but just put down the phone. You know, it feels kinda sad. And it's actually quite a sucky feeling. I don't like to be caught in this situation where I don't know what to do, don't know what happened, screaming to rectify the situation, yet humbly acknowledging that I can't control how others respond to me. Sometimes, I wonder whether sitting down to talk about it would really work. Sometimes, I wonder if it'll bring more awkwardness and denial. Sometimes, I wonder if it'll bring more of an adverse effect instead. But do I dare to risk? No. I wouldn't dare and I wouldn't want to. To confront is to make things official. To confront sets a memory forever etched in time. To confront brings too big a risk that I would rather let it go. Who knows, down the road, a decade later, upon coincidental meet-up, we would be able to clique again. I like the conclusion of the article. That it is because of this situation that makes you treasure even more those friends that stayed. So thank you, Jeremy, Khalis, Yam Wenn, Shuhui...these are the few that I can remember that truly cared for me... These few days, I don't know why, but I suddenly start to think about my JC days and the tough tension I had with my classmates. And suddenly, I start to cry in bed all over again. I remember the pain and confusion I had gone through. I remember the loneliness I felt. I remember the confrontation. I remember the make-up. But still, it leaves a scar there and so, that's why, I never mentioned too much of my JC life nor have too many close JC friends. I don't like the feeling. Somehow, that same feeling comes back to me all over again and I don't like it. It still pains my heart. Sigh. I think I didn't have a proper closure. And then, I think about my very recent time when I lost my good friend. Someone whom I shared alot and really knows me through and through. I feel the ache. This ache is really big. Much bigger than expected. Afterall, we had 6 months of memories together! SIX months. All went down the sink. Even until now, I ask myself, is there no way of redeeming this situation? Is there no way of turning around? To lose this friend is like losing a confidante. He knows so much that I can just tell him my current situation and he knows why I'm feeling this way, why I'm thinking this way, gives me advices according to what my values are, and challenges me on some of the things I hold on to. It was a treasured friendship. I treasure it so much that I did take the chance to refute the decision but my non-eloquence cannot win the battle. I sigh. I always sigh whenever I think of this situation and I don't exactly have anyone to turn to say this. Who can truly understand this situation? Who can hear why it hurts me so much? Can I lift up the phone and message him? Can I drop him an email and try to salvage this situation? Friendships. Spelt with 11 letters. Can be lost in time. Can be lost with just a spread of fire. Can be lost with just 4 letters: Byes. . --------------------------------- Saturday, February 18, 2012 @ 1:43 AM [bliss]
Seeing this picture reminds me of a real-life example that I see in my condo. Every evening, I would see this really old Chinese couple HOLDING HANDS and walking around in my condo poolside. That is their usual evening walk. It always bring a smile to my face because, Chinese of older generation tend to be traditional, and they usually don't express their affection publicly. But this couple is a rare sight. It always bring to my mind about how it IS possible to have a companion and love when you are old, to do simple things like this and never grow tired of it, and how I wish my husband-to-be would hold my hand like that when we are old and skinny (yes, the couple was really very skinny) and fragile (they both do look like that! can break bones anytime wan!). And well, that is love, to the end (: And so the picture above speaks exactly my thoughts! (: Love this picture! --------------------------------- Sunday, October 16, 2011 @ 11:00 PM [a peace of heart and a refreshing mind]
Quoted off Jeremy's blog: If there is one thing that you can pray for - it's to overcome fatigue with rejuvenation, sleepy eyes with a refreshing mind and a troubled heart with a gift of peace. And I certainly need a peace of heart now. And a refreshing mind for my sleepy eyes and mind. A peace of heart cos I really hate silences and cold war. And I hate it when it seems like I must NEVER make someone angry else I'll definitely get it. Then am I never ever going to voice myself out? Must I always be good and cautious? I'm NOT a perfect person! I can never always do things right. Is this how I'm going to live the rest of my life? In such fear? And so I need peace that only He can give. Anyway, I was thinking about what marriage means and concluded that it's an outward expression that tells the other person that s/he mean alot to you. So much so that you wanna show it in actions. And so, that's love combined into marriage. Not a matter of worthiness or being made use of but a matter of desire and commitment. --------------------------------- Thursday, September 29, 2011 @ 9:35 PM [Humbling job]
I don't like waking up when I had a bad night the previous day. It makes me just want to sleep and not wake up at all. And it makes me just wish everything was just a bad dream and that it'll blow over. It makes me not want to do anything. Nothing at all. There was a saying that says that if you can't handle the person at his worst, you can't handle the person at all. I had this saying stuck in my head today. But I'm also wondering if it's all that true. Perhaps. Afterall, how you respond when everything is all heated up and the other person is really upset tells alot. But then again, we are all humans that make mistakes and can't always keep the cool. Finally, I realised that it's a really humbling job to initiate a conversation of resolving the conflict. If you find saying sorry is humbling, this one is too. It takes alot. At least for me. To be the first to talk about it, to start the conversation, then to hold and lead it, and most importantly, to keep the cool through it all, cos you are the one that started the convo. So it's really hard and humbling...humbling... --------------------------------- |
