Sharon's Main Blog

2011-10-16T23:00:00.004+08:00

[a peace of heart and a refreshing mind]

Quoted off Jeremy's blog: If there is one thing that you can pray for - it's to overcome fatigue with rejuvenation, sleepy eyes with a refreshing mind and a troubled heart with a gift of peace.

And I certainly need a peace of heart now. And a refreshing mind for my sleepy eyes and mind. A peace of heart cos I really hate silences and cold war. And I hate it when it seems like I must NEVER make someone angry else I'll definitely get it. Then am I never ever going to voice myself out? Must I always be good and cautious? I'm NOT a perfect person! I can never always do things right. Is this how I'm going to live the rest of my life? In such fear? And so I need peace that only He can give.

Anyway, I was thinking about what marriage means and concluded that it's an outward expression that tells the other person that s/he mean alot to you. So much so that you wanna show it in actions. And so, that's love combined into marriage. Not a matter of worthiness or being made use of but a matter of desire and commitment.

2011-09-29T21:35:00.002+08:00

[Humbling job]

I don't like waking up when I had a bad night the previous day. It makes me just want to sleep and not wake up at all. And it makes me just wish everything was just a bad dream and that it'll blow over. It makes me not want to do anything. Nothing at all.

There was a saying that says that if you can't handle the person at his worst, you can't handle the person at all. I had this saying stuck in my head today. But I'm also wondering if it's all that true. Perhaps. Afterall, how you respond when everything is all heated up and the other person is really upset tells alot. But then again, we are all humans that make mistakes and can't always keep the cool.

Finally, I realised that it's a really humbling job to initiate a conversation of resolving the conflict. If you find saying sorry is humbling, this one is too. It takes alot. At least for me. To be the first to talk about it, to start the conversation, then to hold and lead it, and most importantly, to keep the cool through it all, cos you are the one that started the convo. So it's really hard and humbling...humbling...

2011-09-24T01:56:00.001+08:00

[from an opinion of a friend]

Thought this was nice and fresh, from her observation:

Love is honest, it never fails, it is unconditional, it is accepting, it shows grace, it is giving, it encourages, it is patient, it sharpens and it always believes the best of a person.

2011-09-11T22:32:00.002+08:00

[social comfort]

It's comforting to know you are going to meet friends other than your bf really soon...esp when your bf stays so far from you.

Looking forward to:
1. Tuesday lunch with Hua Sheng and Hilmi, and possibly Min Xuan
2. Wednesday dinner with p6 friends, especially saying goodbye to Conray (which I feel really sad about...he has been someone close to me all these years! the core 4 of us, and then I expanded it to the others). 10 of us will be there!

2011-09-10T01:49:00.004+08:00

[verse]

Matthew 10:31
So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Suddenly this verse spoke to me and mean alot to me. Look at how impactful the words are: "don't be afraid" and "worth" and "more than". Wow! Such strong words! It's amazing how much we mean to God!

And especially in this situation now when I'm facing tricky situations with people, my studies, my FYP and my career. There is fear. There is uncertainty. And there is doubt.

And this verse refreshes me in times like this. Thank God for His Word!

2011-09-06T00:55:00.002+08:00

[opposites]

What's the opposite of reality? Dreams? Fantasy? Illusion?

How I wish I can just stay in the opposite of reality. In my perfect dream world of the presence of God, of Chris, of Christian books, of relaxation, of social networks, of music, of singing, of enjoyment...

And away from the harsh reality of expectations, deadlines, finances, career, conflicts, tensions, studies, FYP...

[two greatest gifts]

There are 2 greatest gifts you can give to a friend: time and interest.

Indeed, it's really not easy giving interest, enthusiasm and full attention to the conversation of the one who is speaking. You can give time, but sometimes, interest is hard. To pay full attention.

And today, I realised that though Chris is my bf, he has no need to listen to me, but he still chose to. Each and every time. And especially at times when I am feeling sian. So I shall not take it for granted and use him as a punching bag!

2011-09-04T00:15:00.002+08:00

[the way this turns out]

I think I'm still immature. Sometimes, I really just say out my feelings, honestly and brutally, that I end up pissing someone off. And then, I'll get stuck at how to salvage the whole situation.

Sometimes, I really just want to talk it out, just want to rant, cos it lets you know the struggles that I'm facing. But sometimes, I just end up making you upset, I know. But can't I just talk? Sigh. Sometimes, actually, most of the time, I'm really not as optimistic as you. It's just not me. I'm not an optimist. Unlike you.

I don't like the way this turns out :(

2011-09-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Something I learn today: memento mori

It means, Remember you are mortal

A good reminder to be reminded that I am mortal and that God is the Sovereign One.

A video to laugh and think about (:

2011-07-31T00:05:00.003+08:00

[randoms]

Prayer works. It's all about praying to the one true God in submission to His sovereign will

Reminds me of what amen means.

Another random: I want the hymn 'It is well with my soul' to be played during my funeral next time. Haha. Random but we were talking about hymns during FOC camp and I mentioned it. Thought I should write it down in case anyone of you should read it and then, can fulfil my wish. Haha.

2011-06-04T01:17:00.002+08:00

[too cluttered to see]

Just now I had the privilege to encourage a brother-in-Christ as we catch-up briefly. Talked about all sorts of things: from work to busyness, to relationships, to him coming to Spore and finally, to spiritual walk. I know it's hard living in another country and I know that spiritual walk is a great challenge. So I am particularly concerned.

Perhaps, because of it, I probe more and ask more when he said it wasn't too good. I started talking. I started giving my 2-cent advice and even send him a youtube link of a song that came to my mind. Definitely a nudge by the Holy Spirit. I was surprised my friend didn't hear it before but nevertheless, I hope it would encourage him.

But I'm even more surprised at myself. I found such joy and comfort as I talked and encouraged him, that it just brought me to think: why am i missing out on this joy? Why have I not felt this way in a long time?

Have my mind and eyes been too cluttered recently to see the needs of my friends around me?
Have I been too occupied that I don't flow with the Holy Spirit that often?
Have my lips been sealed that encouragement are stucked somewhere and not coming out?

What happened to me? What happened to that trait that attracts my peers to God and attracts him to me? Sigh.

2011-05-26T01:15:00.002+08:00

[control]

Someone once said, "You can't control how others respond. But you can control your thoughts and response."

And I choose to say that you are my friend.

[rain]

Boy! It sure is raining heavily now! I hope there is no turbulence on the flight to Australia! And I'm quite glad that mum spoke to Chris on the phone :) for quite a while before he left. Gees. It's really a good sign, you know. At least for me! :)

2011-05-18T00:46:00.002+08:00

[fb changes]

As I made a change on fb, I suddenly realised that it's a pretty huge step. It's fun and exciting. Yet, it is also scary. Writing it on fb is like telling EVERYBODY about it. Well, literally everyone who doesn't hide me from news feed will see it. So it's really everyone. People I'm not close to and people who are close to my heart.

And these people, especially those who comment and "like" it, are like witnesses to this relationship. It's like a wedding. They are those witnesses seated there and watching this whole step of commitment. Woah. Totally blows me away.

Yups. No turning back. Hopefully, as God leads.

[on a side note]

Changed my hairstyle today. Totally different and stylish (I guess). And it feels different to not hold my long hair at the back. Haha. Don't get too shock when you see me!

2011-05-15T17:54:00.004+08:00

[trials]

Today's closing song was special. We sang to a music video. It was aunty Janet's idea and it was good. Relevant to the message she was sharing today about trials. Indeed, a good reminder of what trials mean to us Christians. Indeed, thank you Lord for trials. May the lyrics of this song touch your heart.

Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,

And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way I am
to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit
take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help, lead and guide
me away from wrong.

'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.

And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

So give me strength to do Thy Holy Will, my Lord
My Lord

2011-05-10T01:09:00.004+08:00

[the healing of the paralytic: Mark 2:1-12]

As I was doing my QT just now, I was brought to read the familiar story of Jesus healing the paralytic. It's an all too famous story since young--about how the 4 friends would lower the mat through a hole in the roof. And how the guy picked up his mat and walked out of the door. I rmb when I was young, I would always focus on this healing and the miracle of it all. But as I grew older, I gained a different persepective and gained insights into the 4 friends who carried him. Once again, the material focused on the same area.

It became a familiar insight too but what dawned on me thereafter was something new. From the material, they said this: Sometimes we simply can't go any further in life or deeper in faith on our own. Seasons come when we need others to boldly carry us to Jesus...we all need bold, faithful friends. I thank God for those who carry me to Jesus and pray the prayer thay I can't pray myself.

I paused. I reflected on what this writer wrote. How true. Indeed, we need friends who point us to Jesus. And it's more than just friend but friendS...more than 1 friend. Then I start to think back on who these friends are. And I went back to history, all the way back to when Wanting and I were close to each other. The 1st 2 years of our friendship. It was awesome and splendid. I remember how we would sms each other Bible verses, pray for one another, encourage one another with words and share deeply. She was the one that carried me to Jesus when I'm that paralytic man. I had gained so much insight and love from this dear sister and friend of mine.

Sadly, things have changed. We don't really share alot and neither do we sms each other bible verses. Though we still keep in touch and meet up whenever we are in school, but that's about it. I had almost wanted to toss this to one side and not think about it anymore when the Holy Spirit nudged me to pray for her. To say that prayer as written by the author.

I was totally surprised. I asked, "Are you sure? What's there to pray for her? I don't even know if she needs my prayer or not. I don't know what to pray for her. Besides, she has John who will pray for her. And we are not that close anymore." Yet, despite all these questions and flawed thinking, the HS still insisted on me praying. I can feel it. So I decided to calm myself down and try to think of what I could pray for her. It was then I realised that I really don't know much about her happenings and I didn't have chances to hear from her. Sigh. Quite a sad case but nvm. I just left that thought there and started my prayer with "Dear God..."

Then words just flow. I found myself praying for an area that wasn't my intention. It was, as the Bible said, the HS giving us words when we don't know what to pray for. And I believe it was the HS's guidance. It was good. I'm glad I'd finally intentionally pray for her. And it had definitely felt good praying for her. Well, for whatever that was prayed, it did get me a bit worried like, "Is she facing probs in that area?" Well, in any case, I prayed and I pray that the prayer would intervene and that God would work something out in accordance to answering prayers.

And finally, not to forget, I prayed for you too! :)) most definitely!

Bold and faithful friends. Thank God for them. Whether it was the past or in the present now. Each one is precious and each journey is treasured.

2011-05-09T01:15:00.001+08:00

[chinese worship songs]

Recently, I have been introduced to Chinese songs. Beautiful Saviour sung in Chinese was the first one I heard during my friend's wedding. It is nice and beautiful. The Chinese words really touched my heart--especially what is used to describe God. Chinese words are always so beautiful and encouraging.

Enjoy the song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmWvVbb4KL0

2011-04-30T02:04:00.002+08:00

[fyp project selection]

As I select my final year project (fyp)...from all the profs. And reading up the write-ups. And DOING my own write-up. I realised I really need God. I need Him very badly and so badly.

I don't know how to choose. I don't know what to choose. I can't make a decision. I don't know what is a good decision. I don't know if I should take up the project. And I don't know how to do my write-up.

It really isn't easy doing the write-up and either trying to sell yourself or trying to say how enthusiastic you are in the project. It gets scarier everytime I write it--that I just might be promising more than what I can deliver.

Write-up aside, I feel the need more when I need to decide what project to take. Whether I should apply for this or that. And I really don't know what to do.

I need you God. I really need you. Please give me a verse that I can hold on to. Give me a verse from your Word that I can rely on, ponder and think about for this stuation.

2011-04-08T23:21:00.002+08:00

[project]

I handed in the MS3005 1st Draft today. It was good. It felt good. Totally relieved when I did that. That's because I spent like 5 hours doing the final touch-up and compiling it!

Boy! From midnight till 5am! That sure is long and sure is in the wee hours of the morning, which I'm not used to. But there's also one other thing which I'm thankful for: Chris' company throughout the night. In each and every hour. Helping me do up the abbreviation part. Though we didn't talk about anything related to my report (like talking about The Corrs) and I didn't reply as fast as I used to, he was very patient and stuck by me throughout. I guess it's hard for him. Imagining hanging around on the com from 2am to 3am to 4am to 5am...wow! What would you do if you weren't the one doing the report? I simply can't imagine myself occupying time with something else. Haha.

So I'm like super super thankful. It's been a long time since I last had company throughout the night when I'm rushing through or working late on something. My sole company is always the radio where the songs will push me through. But a person's company is definitely incomparable. Chris also kept true to his words, even hanging around until my notes were printed. That pushed the hour later to 6am. Yeah. It was sweet and it was nice. It was something I didn't expect. Really appreciate.

But I do feel bad too. Cos 3 hours later, he couldn't wake up and missed his lecture. And if I were to reciprocate in like, I don't think I can :( I guess, that's why I mentioned "patience" alot. Patience is demonstrated throughout, and it's something that I have to work on.

So here and now, boldly I say, thank you Christopher!

2011-04-05T01:04:00.003+08:00

[school term]

As I was looking at my calendar today, I realised that it's 4 weeks before exams start. Time sure flies. I remember that in year 1, this mark of "4 weeks to exam" is crucial. It's a stark reminder that exams are coming and that revision for it HAVE to begin.

Right now, I'm in year 3. And yes, it's still a stark reminder. But it's hard to start revision now and doing the past year papers. Because there are simply much more to catch up on and do. Priorities in life has changed. Social circle is also wider. And there are dynamic changes to cope with.

Yet, nonetheless, I'm still reminded that the school term is coming to an end. So quickly. It just felt like Jan only yesterday. It felt like the start of school term. It felt like I just returned from overseas.

This school term had indeed passed quickly. Too fast. I've yet to cope with changes. And I don't think I ever will. Sigh. Oh well. Okay. Just a shout out that it's fast. Soon it'll be summer hols once again.

2011-03-21T01:59:00.002+08:00

[cards]

I always keep the cards and notes that people give to me. Paste them all in a scrapbook and read them from time to time. It's now my 2nd book already. And it always brings me so much smiles to see, read and feel the love that people around me give to me.

I was just adding one more card to the book and so decided to see the recent few cards. I realised that they were cards written to me before I left for Shanghai. Words that encourage me to trust in God, to rely on His faithfulness, and encouraging me that I would be a blessing in Shanghai and to be a blessing to others. And how the butterflies in my stomach (which were literally there on the day I flew) would transform into beautiful experiences (quoted exactly from one of the cards).

One of the points that keep resounding through all these cards is to ask me to trust in God, lean on Him and follow His ways. I really start to think: if I had really follow His ways and trust in God, I wouldn't be in such an emotional tangle. I guess. While I am trying to untangle myself now, which is making good progress, I still feel that a part of it remains. It still does. And I don't really know how to face it anymore. I did my part. I'll just see what other effort is there for me to put in and what God would do.

Sigh. If only I had read these cards over and over again, keeping them in mind, and focusing on God throughout the time in Shanghai, perhaps, spiritually, I won't be so down and I would be much stronger. And perhaps, I won't step out of the line God lays down personally for me.

Oh well. These are just looking-backs. I guess it's time to move forward. With these love and encouragement, I pray I can pick myself up. For my brother and sister, I pray I can pick myself up. For God, I pray I can pick myself up.

2011-03-11T00:22:00.004+08:00

[unclean lips yet made clean]

Today's worship at xroads was a time of lifting up ourselves in worship to Him. It totally brought me to my knees and a reminder that it is a privilege. That, I, with unclean lips and sinful heart, really don't deserve to be in God's presence but cos of the sprinkling of blood, it clothed us and covers us such that our prayers are heard. Such that we can communicate with Him. Such that we have a relationship with Him. How awesome.

Today's xroads talked about justification. And our only justification is in Christ. And all because of the sharing of blood again and the obedience of Christ. This highlighted again just how much the cross means to me.

The study of Isaiah was good. Especially Isa 6:5. There was a one-whole-day question on just that verse. Caused me to pause and really look deep at what Isaiah was saying, what he meant, what he saw and what he felt. And I can feel it. Today, I had a glimpse of it.

Indeed, I am so sinful, I have unclean lips, I have an impure heart. Yet, God loves me still the same and provided the way out for me. Yet, I am loved and am heard. Yet, I am where I am today because of Jesus' great love and the way for me.

Thank you

And thank God for BSF! =)) and of course crusade!

2011-03-06T23:00:00.005+08:00

[holiday]

Was talking to Geok Lan just now and telling her that "a break ought to be a break". I was referring to my upcoming recess week where I'll spend 7 days and 6 nights in Malaysia. Out of which, 2 days and 1 night will be spent climbing a mountain. The rest of the time will be spending time with my cousins and relatives and Malaysia--shopping, eating and all.

Sounds really relaxing uh? To take a break, do things that I like and to read a book. I think it's good to read a book, a Christian Literature (especially since I have many books waiting for me at home)!

Yet, there is this nudging feeling inside of me that makes me think I'll lose out to my friends. Afterall, people's recess week is spent in Singapore and that means they have the notes accessible to them. Then they'll study and revise and do everything that studies require of them. Will I lose out then? It certainly makes me think that I'll lose out. When I don't have my notes with me or bring only a limited number of notes (surely you don't expect me to bring 1kg worth of notes to Msia or the 4 files that I have). Also, I tend not to have the discipline to study when I'm overseas. Making it even harder, uh?

Well, thankfully, I don't have any tests due the week after the break. Really thank God else I would definitely resent the trip. And, I've caught up with all my e-lectures except for 1 lecture from last week and 2 lectures of a module (which I've already intended to watch it much later for fluency of lessons). I'm sure I'm able to complete this 1 lecture and the upcoming ones from this week before I fly off. So, that would leave me pretty free for the recess week.

I know that not many really get to enjoy this. But hmm. I wonder if I should bring more notes than I should or spend more time at studies while I'm in Msia. Or simply enjoy God's presence, this break and the book that He had inspired people to write. Actually, I'm not really hard-pressed for the first half of this sem. Somehow. I guess it's because I have no more electives to take and that I have a 3-day week. So I'm really pretty relaxed and not too suffocated (except for the projects). Hmm. So is this break necessary for me?

Gees. Still, a concluding thought: I wish there is no such thing as "competition" among friends.

2011-03-01T00:47:00.002+08:00

[shanghai]

I do appreciate it whenever I get emails and news from my friends in Shanghai. Charles, Adele, Peng Fei and Chen Chuan. But everytime I hear something from them, all the memories start flooding in. I remember the laughters and the fun I had with each of them individually. Then I start to think about the city itself. Then I start to think...boy...I feel like going back!

But I really am torn in between. I remember leaving Shanghai, telling myself that I don't think I would want to come back for long-term or to relocate there. Life's too hard and too different. It's too much changes and it's something I don't like. Yet, still, I won't deny the happy memories that it has given me, the good things that are there, the cheap items that I can buy and the familarity I already have with the way of life, transport and city.

Sigh. Sometimes, it's hard to reply my friends' emails. Just gotta set my heart down and see them as friends. Not as friends only of Shanghai.

And wherever God wants to move me, I have to trust eh? :)

On a side note, saw this msg on my friend's fb status: Saying goodnight isn’t a formality. It’s the art of saying that I remember you in “my last minute of the day"

And that's very true of me! Of what I mean when I say goodnight. So goodnight you!

2011-02-23T00:34:00.002+08:00

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love

2011-02-21T01:51:00.002+08:00

[it's awesome]

It's awesome when you:
sing songs that God puts in your heart
lead in those songs
use a Bible verse that God reveals
(though it may seem weird initially, but as you write, things fall into place and you understand why. awesome orchestra)
experience the peace that's promised as you submit and commit all to Him

have the joy of being used by Him

2011-02-20T00:58:00.001+08:00

[sleep-over]

Must I sleep over a problem again? For the 2nd night? Should I really not say anything tonight? But I hate the feeling I get every morning when I wake up--the horrible feeling of something not resolved and not settled before the sun sets.

2011-02-15T12:13:00.002+08:00

[trip back to the 90s]

Saw this article on this person's blog. Check it out: http://jeremysng.wordpress.com/2010/05/08/some-things-i-remember-from-the-90s/

It sure brings back lots of memories and alot of laughter! Oh! Those days!

[trip back to shanghai]

Boy! I've been thinking about shanghai soooo much. So miss it. Especially whenever Adele msgs or emails me.

I just feel like going back there in the next holiday I have. But when I return, he won't be there. And I wonder how I'll take it. Will it still be as pleasant and enjoyable? Or will I sulk and walk the streets that seem familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time?

Sigh. The memories are just so vivid and wonderful. Just too many to count and too many to recall one-by-one. Wish it never had to end and wished things turned out for the better instead.

Anyway, I can't believe that I went there and came back already. It seems so surreal that I actually stayed overseas for 6 months, away from Singapore and away from home. Can't believe that I actually took that step I thought I won't have the courage to take or to even survive it. Thank God for His grace!

2011-02-14T00:49:00.002+08:00

[13 Feb, Sun into 14 Feb, Mon]

What an interesting day today! I went hiking up Bukit Timah Hill with my parents and sister and Uncle Weng Choh. What a hike! And what a trail! Haven't done such a trail for a long time! It sure was tough but just gotta keep pace and breathe through my nose! Haha. Steps and slopes and mud. That was what it was.

But the interesting thing was that my sister kept talking non-stop! I've never seen her talk soooo much before! It felt like our genes were switched! I was totally silent and she was totally talking away! And can even sing song! Boy! Doesn't she get breathless? Lol!

Well, the walk and hike was good. Had a good time with my family. I wished Reuben was here to join us.

After that, had a good dinner at Bukit Timah Market! =)) Yays! Carbonara and the famous and good Fried Carrot Cake! Yums!

Well, since it's past midnight, Happy Valentine's Day!

But I must say that it's funny how reality hits me just a day before it. But just as well. I would rather know the truth than to keep guessing and hoping for something that will come to naught. And somehow I feel more at ease after a night's cry. Still, I know that the changes will be hard to swallow and stomach. Hope I can take it well. Especially when I wake up tomorrow and see people holding bouquets of beautiful flowers! Just pains my heart, since I'm someone so inclined towards flowers!

On the other hand, I finally wrote CHINESE emails to my 2 friends in Shanghai that I missed so dearly! Hope it brings a smile on their faces and hope to hear from them soon! :)

2011-02-07T00:05:00.002+08:00

[the past]

As I was looking through my profile pictures on fb, I saw the photo below. Yes, it was one of my profile pictures. And mind you, I don't change my profile pictures often and each one was carefully picked.

I can still clearly remember when was it and why I put it up. It was my 21st birthday. And my friends were very sweet to gather together and gave me this surprise birthday celebration after my exam paper. They came. They sang. They smiled. And I was touched. I was totally touched till I cried. At that time, I felt very very blessed. Very blessed with such a great bunch of friends. And more importantly, her. I felt very delighted and very blessed and very thankful to God for her.

Yet, as 2011 dawns, I find us distancing. I'm afraid of going to school every Sunday night. Cos I'm afraid I'll have no company. I'm afraid I have no friends. I'm afraid she's not there. There is this load of pain and load of tears. Why do things have to change? Why change for the worse?

I find us disagreeing more on things and spending less time with each other. I find us having to struggle to put our opinions on the table amicably and myself giving in so that she won't be unhappy. And I bet she doesn't read my blog at all now, or as often as she used to.

Sometimes, I wish, I can be that girl in the photo below. That's the young me. So happy, smiling so cheerfully even though I popped out of a washing machine. The joy, the smile, the innocence.

Why do people grow up? Why do I have to grow up, know more, and be in such a tangle of complication?

2011-02-05T00:10:00.003+08:00

[here we go again]

And here we go again. Another one. Someone close to me too.

I am happy yet I'm not truly happy. I'm still learning. Still a struggle in me.

Sigh. I'm getting older, aren't I? 22 years old this year. 1.5 years left here. That's an old age and that's a short time. Sigh. What should I do? I just hope my vision isn't marred or blurred. I think that would be much worse.

2011-02-03T04:00:00.002+08:00

[a light-hearted movie]

Just finished watching a show called "The Perfect Man", as the poster above shows. It's not bad a show. Really. I was pleasantly surprised by it. There are quite a number of good quotes in it. Not bad...can learn from it too. Haha.

And I know there is no perfect man here. Yet, it's such a pleasant and nice show that it makes me wonder about relationships too. The someone out there for me...the soul-mate...yeah. I guess, things can't match as perfectly as they depict in the show. I remember someone once told me that you can usually match /should compromise for only 70% of the qualities you wanna see in your partner. But I know there is one that God has planned. Just gotta trust and just gotta wait.

2011-01-30T00:26:00.003+08:00

[missing]

Flashes of Shanghai keeps coming back. And everytime I'll have this urge and longing to be back there again.

Yet, as with all other illusions, I wonder if I'm just missing the times spent and the memories that were craved out. Or do I really miss the place and whatever it brings (those unchangables).

Conclusion: Both? I guess I do miss the things that Shanghai brings--the food, the weather, the walking around, the unique and different culture. It's different. And having stayed there for 6 months, I'm pretty proud to say that I can be a tour guide to you! and go to places where the locals go, where it's not so touris-y, where there are cool stuffs. and at least i know where to get some stuffs that I need.

Well, I miss Huangpi nan lu, I miss shan xi nan lu, I miss zhongshan gongyuan...I still remember the road names and the station names and a memory of how to walk when I come out of the station. Oh well.

I miss the times with my friends there too. All the walking around, the eating, the spending time together, the exploration of places, the talking...all those fun, both with the people I'm close too and those that are not. I miss them. And I miss those times spent together.

Oh well. Shanghai. It'll always be part of me now.

[down lately]

Guess the title says it all. Yes, I'm down lately. Especially when the first day of school didn't start good. Neither did the first week of school end well. I totally didn't like this week. And I didn't like what I'm facing. And I don't like what I WILL be facing. Okay. I know the last phrase sounds really wrong and I shouldn't be afraid. But yeah, I have a feeling that this is going to be stuck with me for a while. Quite a while. Unless I have willingness and strong determination...

Btw, sideline note, this is my 600th published post! =)) Cheers!

2011-01-25T00:35:00.002+08:00

[with thoughts all over the place]

I see couples everywhere

I met my ex-boyfriend today

My whole world has rocked and shaken

I hate what I'm facing now

I hate it when whatever that is happening to you has to affect me

I'm pining and living in my past world

And I know things will never be the same again

When will my work be done so that I can go back home? I want to leave

2011-01-16T21:28:00.001+08:00

[quote from my friend]

It's always difficult coming to the conclusion that you need to deny yourself and let go to let God.

What a struggle.

But what a statement for today.

2011-01-13T14:29:00.002+08:00

[back to...(continued)]

I just realised I can add on to my list! So here goes:

Back to...
wearing sleeveless (arms do feel super weird)
wearing dresses and skirts (yay! no more 2 layers of pants)
blogging again (inspiration's coming)
seeing rain (wow..it's been so long since I last saw rain)
speaking English when asking for service

On all smiles now!

Was watching Glee yesterday and came upon this phrase: common interest is the way up to romance. Interesting and true. Common interest. Yeah. There got to be a common interest to keep things going. Let's evaluate! ;)

2011-01-12T21:56:00.005+08:00

[back to...]

It's back to...
seeing green trees again
a clean city
not always rummaging my bag for a packet of tissue paper before entering the toilet
a familiar neighbour
knowing where to get what I need
a cosy house
my own bed
my clean study (which starts to pile up with my messy stuffs now)
a warm and welcoming family
awesome friends

It's good to be back in Singapore. Really a good feeling. When I stepped into the house on the evening of 6 Jan, I suddenly feel a wave of confidence. I was just about to give up hope on my spiritual walk, but there was a surge of hope given to me as I took that first step into the house.

Somehow, the physical environment makes a difference in me. I know it sounds strange but it's true. That was what I felt. And it's a good feeling. Looking forward to getting my feet up again! (:

I had a surprise welcome by my friends at the airport! Here is the photo!

And my sis gave me a nice welcome into our room too! With rose petals on the bed and giving me one stalk of rose! What I love! =) Thanks sis!

Finally, my first local meal the next day! Chee Cheong Fun and Nai-Cha! At Tiong Bahru market with parents! Yums! =)

2011-01-11T21:04:00.002+08:00

[who Jesus is in every book of the Bible]

Amazing yet true! Thanks pal!

2011-01-09T00:29:00.005+08:00

[I miss you]

Up until now, no one knows this much about me, except you. Up until now, no one sees the other side of me in such a short time, except you. Up until now, no one can understand where I'm coming from, except you. Up until now, I realised that you know ALOT about me, much more than any other person.

I miss you very much. So much till I just tear in bed. Although I know you'll never chance upon this, I still want to say that I miss you.

I often wonder if you feel the same way too. But I never got the courage to ask. I'm afraid of the answer though the question is on my mind. As we are miles apart, may tonight be a time of reflection. As scenery surrounds you; wonder and amazement, I hope I'll be somewhere at the back of your mind. Just as you are at the back of my mind, as friends surround me.

2010-12-08T06:23:00.003+08:00

[near or far]

As I was talking to some expats from Singapore that came over to Shanghai for 5 over years, I often ask if they would return for good. Most of the answers I got were no and the reasons were varied. One of them struck me deep and makes me think.

"I feel closer to God when I'm overseas. When I'm overseas, it pushes me to make stay close to God. I have no one else to turn to, only God to rely on. So I'm more reliant on Him. Besides, with a family and all, it makes me draw closer to Him."

When I heard it, I was wow. That is so different from the experience that I've received here. Very different. This friend of my mine drew closer, Shuhui drew closer too when she was in Germany. But for me? Instead of drawing closer, I must admit that I'm drawing further. Why? Why so different? Why like that?

My upbringing? The way that I've always been in a protected area and sheltered and so when there's something different, it's a wow-good experience for me? It makes me too excited that I began to forget about God? Or is it because that I've always been in such a Christian-ly environment that when I'm out of it, it becomes a novelty? I wonder.

Still, I must also say that it isn't all that distant throughout this whole period of time. There was indeed a period of time when I was literally thirsty and dying to spend time with Him, to go to church and to draw close to Him. That one, I felt it strong. However, if you want me to give you a big picture of my spiritual journey, I am sorry and disappointed to say that it has been far, not near :(

2010-12-08T00:21:00.003+08:00

[time]

It's amazing how the clock ticks and ticks and never stop once. The time just rolls. It just continues. How can it move on ahead without worries and cares.

I wish it would be considerate enough to stop and let me finish my report. Giving me extra hours to rest and sleep too.

Okay. Random blabberings. Just thinking aloud. Ha.

2010-11-23T23:20:00.002+08:00

[Love]

Just finished watching Joseph King of Dreams. Yeah. I know it's kinda funny how I watched it over 3 days but yes, I took 3 days to watch 8 parts of it. And I teared towards the end.

Strange how a cartoon can make me cry but it has certainly touched my heart. I love the part where Joseph forgives his family. The cartoon potrays it well. Well, not that the Bible doesn't show it well, but it doesn't have the details that the director puts in.

Reminds me so much of love. Of God's love. Of love that we are expected to show each other.

Lord, teach me to love. Teach me how to love. Teach me what is love. Teach me about you, the God of Love.

[You know better than I]

The song that was played at the end touches my heart. That God's plan will prevail in the end. That I just need to wait on God's timing. Joseph's plight was certainly much worse than mine--betrayed by his brothers, separated from his family, sold, worked as a slave, suffered in jail, waited for the butler to respond, interpret Pharoah's dreams, governed the country...but he trusted God still. And God has a wonderful plan that is unfolding for Him.

If He can do it for Joseph, He can do it for me too!

Lord, help me to trust in you and to follow your voice and your leading. Not to insist on my way or to do things that you don't want me to do.

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing
I don't know is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing i can do
Is to put my trust in You.

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If i let You reach me
Will You teach me.

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

2010-11-22T23:17:00.002+08:00

[Joseph King of Dreams]

Stuck on the show for the past 2 nights! Ahh. After watching the music video below. Then got me a bit confused between that and Prince of Egypt. Ha. Suddenly lost my chronological order! Haha.

Bible stories...so long ago and I really lost touch of them! Better get in touch again! :)

But I must say that through the show I learned much! :) Once again.

[update]

I had a horrible night last night. Cldn't slp till 2am! And had to wake up at 6am today! BLEAH! Totally don't like this and totally don't like the lifestyle I'm forced to take up right now! 5 more weeks! Just 5 more weeks!

Essays due this Sat! Thank God I managed to take a off on thus successfully. Without CK asking me why. So I can do up the essays on both thus and fri! And to prep for cell too! And to escape from the demanding lifestyle of me!

Anyway, wanna write this to my sister: today, as I was choosing the earrings to wear, I purposely chose the one you made for me. Everytime I wear it, it makes me feel that you are near me and that I have your support. It always brings me comfort. Especially when I'm not feeling good and am emo. Thanks Sarah. It makes a lot of difference--the making of the earring and for being you. I love you!

Lord, please help me to sleep tonight.

2010-11-19T02:51:00.002+08:00

[smiles]

6th Jan! I can't wait! My heart was jumping in leaps and bounds since this morning! :) yeah! I am coming back!

2010-11-14T21:37:00.003+08:00

[miss home]

I suddenly miss home. Just feel like going home, to somewhere where there's warmth and a homely feeling. To a familiar place and a familiar environment :(

Oh well. The weather is getting cold now. Gotta keep warm!

And I think that I really have to give up. It's really time and I really should. After hearing things, seeing things for myself and thinking more about the future. I have to really trust that God will provide. Afterall it's His calendar that prevails.

Trust
Rest
Wait
Patience

Be the one that He wants you to be. Then things will fall into place.

2010-11-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

[faith]

I'm glad I took that leap of faith. Even before I'm on it, I'm starting to get excited about it. Initially I was fearful. I was literally trembling. I was scared. There were many reasons. But there was a push. And today, as I think about it, I'm glad I took that leap. I have no regrets. I will leave Shanghai with no regrets. And I hope I will have war-stories to tell! Just like what Eleena encouraged me! :)) Yays!

2010-11-09T16:56:00.002+08:00

[too close]

Sometimes, it is scary when you are too close to someone. You tend to show your angry side more often, be less bearing and accomodating, and less careful with your words. There seem to be a lack of joy, excitement and sparkle to really talk and get to know him/her more. There is friction and tension. And bearing with the awkwardness and guilt that haunts you after you've said and done something not pleasant.

Sigh. Human relations are really tough. Especially with people whom you are close to (minus the family cos a family will always be a family. faults are easily forgiven; at least in my case). I wonder how it'll be like in the future. With friends whom I'm close to but haven't gone to the disagreement and quarrel stage. Wanting, John, Peter, Bethia and the others in my clique. Also my future partner. Disagreements will make or break the friendship. And I am very afraid it'll break the friendship. That's the last thing I want. The last thing on my mind. But it is that scary.

I'm seeing and witnessing it now, right before my eyes. And I'm afraid of what the consequences will bring.

I believe that's why God gives us words of wisdom to guide our lives. It's hard to live out His way but it is THE way.

Ephesians 4:2-3
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:25-27
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

2010-11-08T21:40:00.002+08:00

[tears]

A tear-streaked face
I wonder how many will know
I wonder how many will care
I just want to go home

For the first time, I cried in the office. But I just have to bear it. I guess it's the illness, lack of sleep, thinking too much and hoping too much.

I've learned to let go. I've learned not to hope too high. I've learned to control and keep silent lest I create more problems.

And now, I've learned to bear.

I always think it's okay to cry. It's better to cry than to bottle it up inside which can lead to more sickness. So then, I just hide in the toilet and cry things out. Oh! How I wish I took leave today and rest instead. How I wish I was appreciated more. How I wish I can feel care and concern again. I miss my family and my house.

2010-11-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

Romans 5:19

For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

2010-11-07T23:29:00.004+08:00

[in death, there can be life]

Thank God that He spoke through Ruth on Friday. Ruth from the Bible. Out of the many aspects to talk about, the writer wrote about how Ruth faced death of her husband but eventually found new life in the new land and in the genealogy of Jesus. It's an awesome thing to be part of the genealogy.

So the authoress writes: new life can come from the tragedy of death

So in the "death" that I just experienced, I should hope. Have that hope that I can have renewed life in God because He is the giver of life, the giver of new life. This spoke right to my heart because I was starting to give up hope that I could be changed or that things would change. I tried and I failed. And so, I start to despair. But God never gave up on me.

Thank you God :)

2010-11-05T11:36:00.003+08:00

[sick]

I fell sick :( Woke up with such swollen lips too cos I lack water. Haven't been sleeping early for the past weeks so got a sore throat. Plus now, getting blocked nose. Doesn't help that weather is cold :( Oh well.

At least I survived last night. What a struggle! But it was good. Glad things turned out fine eventually.

Alright. I hope I survive this week and get well soon!

Btw, the end-of-year plans are firmed up. To Chengdu on 27Dec for 5 days. Leaving Chengdu on 1 Jan to Lijiang straight. Then, hopefully, I'll get to see Shangri-La before I head back to Singapore!

I'll be home soon. Really soon.

Yesterday as I was walking and just thinking about my friends, I recall the farewell song that my clique did for me at the airport. I do so miss them! And I'll be home soon, friends. I hope you'll welcome me just as I embrace and look forward to meeting you and catching up with you. Love you all lots!

2010-11-05T02:06:00.002+08:00

[sad]

I dropped my Bible. All the paperes spilled out. I picked them up one-by-one. Bulletins, pamplets...and suddenly I chance upon a postcard. Then a photogaph. And a note.

I picked them up to have a closer look. I began to read them. First from Kah Hwee, then from Evelyn and Eleen. Finally from Aunty Lilian. Each one an encouragement. Each one a word of thanks. Each one a word of blessing.

They appreciated my enthusiasm, my giving, my service, my heart for God, my talent/gift, my leadership. They encouraged me to grow, to trust, to put my faith in God, to learn. They blessed me with God's Word, with wishes, with foresight that God will use me when I trust Him, with the people around me being blessed by God through me. They command me to listen, to thrust myself upon God, to obey, to draw close to His heart, to remember what I've learned.

As I read, my heart breaks. The Sharon then and the Sharon now is like 2 different people. I feel so unworthy. I feel so unclean. I feel so guilty. I feel so distant. I am totally underserving of the rememberance, the blessings, the privilege, the honour, the appreciation, the encouragement, the faithfulness from God.

Where am I now? What am I doing? What's occupying my mind? Where's my faith-trust level? Who's sitting on the throne of my heart? Where is God in your life, Sharon?

I literally had to flip to previous entries to see what I've learned through the church camp and the mission trip. Things that happened just 5 months ago, events that were memorable, commitments and convictions that were made. I've forgotten them all. Clean. Why did this happen? :(

2010-10-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

Holy and Annoited One

Jesus, Jesus
Holy and anointed One, Jesus
Jesus, Jesus
Risen and exalted One, Jesus

Your name is like honey on my lips
Your Spirit like water to my soul
Your Word is a lamp unto my feet
Jesus, I love You, I love You

2010-10-24T22:02:00.005+08:00

Eagles' Wings

Here I am waiting
Abide in me I pray
Here I am longing for You

Hide me in Your love
Bring me to my knees
May I know Jesus more and more

Come live in me
All my life
Take over

Come breathe in me
And I will rise
On eagles' wings

As I sang this at church, I realised the bold words are not easy to sing. It sure is tough. But it's what I want. It's what is needed of me. It's my prayer. It's a prayer with a very solemn tone to it. And a serious note. So I had better mean it when I sing and contemplate on those 2 phrases day by day.

2010-10-23T02:31:00.002+08:00

[Dancing]

Holding my hand
you led me to the dance floor
I tugged back strong
I didn't want to dance
Yet my heart leaps for joy
hearing THE songs
And with You in the house
I joyfully dance

Recently I went to Nanjing and had a good time catching up with the new friends I’ve made. That night, we went drinking at a pub. I suggested it cos it’s been a looong time since I last drank. It was good to drink again. And to talk to my friends, and to play uno-stacko-alike with them. Quite fun. And it was funny to see Owen turning red and feeling warm. His half-closed eyes and a bit goggy state. Lol. And it was one of those rare times that I got to touch his face and he didn’t say anything.

Okay. That aside, after we left the pub, we decided to call my other friends to see where they are. After meeting up with them, they say they want to go to a club. Owen wants to. And me? Well, I want it partially. To see how a club in Nanjing, in China, looks likes. So we went to Mazzo. In the group was myself, Eileen, owen, junhong, chin pei, Jessica, chris and Andrew.

Well, it was crowded, as usual. Which club isn’t crowded eh? And I drank a bit of beer too. Too little in the eyes of junhong. Haha. But the club is very much smaller than Zouk. I was quite surprised for such a grand entrance. And there are A LOT of international ppl there. A lot of angmohs. I’m surprised yet I shouldn’t be.

The music was pretty heavy on the bass. Sound waves were really strong. And as I made my way through the crowd towards the drinks bar, my one hand was holding on to Owen’s one and the other holding on to Eileen’s one. That’s how I made my way through the crowds.

Soon after we hang around the bar, all except Eileen and myself starting dancing, including owen. They started moving towards the beat of the song. I was…okay…right…it was quite a sight to see how chris dances. I know he clubs but I can never imagine it until I see it for my own. I was, okay, this is chris. Right. Hmm. And seeing owen nodding away was something I never imagined either. The 2 girls dancing was something just so familiar, they are seasoned anyway. And suddenly, I had the same old feeling all over again when I went to zouk for the 1st time.

Soon after, they started moving. I didn’t know where they are going so I just followed them. Holding on to owen’s hand again, I was slowly led to the ring of the dance floor. I paused. I tugged. I didn’t want to go to the dance floor cos I don’t dance. I don’t just don’t dance, but I don’t want to dance. I signaled to owen telling him that I don’t want to go. He urged me to go. I didn’t want to. Then he let go saying he’ll follow the rest first. So Eileen and I left the club of staring eyes. Yeah. I could feel those guys’ eyes staring straight at me whenever I look up. Such scary eyes and seductive kinda look. So different from that in Singapore.

We both left the club and after a while, decided to contact owen to ask him if he wanna cab back with us. Which he eventually did. He left the group after a while, saying it was enough dancing for him. Hmm. Is only 15 mins enough? I wonder. Ha. Anyway, the rest of the group stayed till 2am that night.

Fast forward to the next day at church, shall we? So I finally made it to church that day. Was really glad to be there though I was late. But the time spent singing those few 4-5 songs were just awesome! They were the most beautiful melodies and sincere prayers made to God! And as I sing, as I engage with the Spirit, I find myself leaping and dancing. In both my heart and in physical form. I really wanted to dance on the spot. If there were such liberty and there was space, I would literally dance as if there were no tomorrow.

Cos of the joy God filled in my heart, and the expression of my gratefulness and the flowing with the Spirit, I want to dance.

It’s such an irony, don’t you think? Whatever the case, I simply REFUSE to dance on the dance floor in the club. But in the house of God, I simply LONG to dance in His presence. To do those same actions as the clubbers. To swing, to sway, to immerse myself in the movements of the body, just for His pleasure. At times, I find it really funny that I would want to do so. But still, it’s a good sign. That I’m all for expressing myself to God.

2010-10-20T21:18:00.001+08:00

You know better than I

Beautiful song. Meaningful lyrics. For you and for me.

2010-09-29T02:42:00.002+08:00

[missing you]

I really miss singapore. and more importantly, the friends and concern that have been shown to me over there. i miss my family too. now, I realised why people say that friends and family matter the most. it’s true. anywhere you go, if you have no friends; no true, genuine friends, life is going to be miserable. i’m not utterly miserable. i still can go by. but i see a stark difference.

back in singapore, the people around me really care for me. they care for my welfare, ask how am i doing, follow-up with me on certain things and really, truly, express their care towards. i feel very blessed.

but here, through the past 2 months plus, i really don’t feel it. i don’t see it. i can’t feel anything at all. hardly anyone follow-up with me. the people i meet are just hi-byes. we can stay in the same house, but we can don’t talk much. and most of the time, i’m the one doing the asking. and the listening. even when i do speak and talk things out on my own initiative, i’ll either get a solution-fix response or a blank-no response. it’s sad. i want neither. i just want a listening ear. and when i’m ready to hear an advice, then i’m ready to hear your solution-fix response.

:( I was talking to john and wanting and khalis on the phone recently. and boy! how much i miss them! each phone call to them is ever so encouraging. especially talking to john. it’s one of the best conversations that i’ve had with him. in almost every sentence, he put God first. and his most encouraging statement was how he is praying for me and his specific prayer for me.

it literally moved me to tears when i heard on the phone. Wan Ting, needless to say. my best buddy, my girl friend, my sister. what more can i ask for? and khalis. also a needless to say one. i just spoke to him last night. and when i was telling him about my sister and was tearing a bit on the phone, he went totally silent and asked me to go get a tissue. i was totally surprised he could hear me crying on the phone. well, it’s true it’s not his first time hearing me cry on the phone but i’m surprised that after so long, he still remembers how i would sound like sniffing on the phone!

sigh. i wish. i wish. i wish my friends around me will really be my friend. people who care for me. i don’t want superfacial friends.

indeed, God knows my limits and my needs. He will provide. right, Father? You will provide, right? Please provide for me once again. Please provide the comfort and the care and the love that I need.

2010-09-25T22:54:00.002+08:00

[trips]

First to Wuhan for 1 night. Next to Shanghai for 1 night. Finally to Anji for 1 night. This is how I have been spending my past 4-day 3-night Mid-Autumn Festival.

It sure is fun. To be in Wuhan with Sarah and to meet her again. To talk to her and to be with her. To feel her touch, her presence and her company. But departure is the toughest. It was so tough that it was beyond what I can bear. See you soon girl. And thanks for your company through that 2 day 1 night trip.

Shanghai was fine. Just spent 1 night there and go and wash my clothes.

Anji was good. I enjoyed the stay initially. Only until towards the end (today) that things didn't turn out well. But glad to have the 2 guys company (Owen and Jonathan) and their protection! Beautiful pictures and scene!

That are the trips so far. Next up, Tibet! Coming Thursday night.

However, nothing can beat a trip to a church service just now at Hengshan church. Was truly blessed by the worship team, the speaker and the message and most importantly, the presence of God! Thank God for speaking to me through this time. It's been very long since I went to church. And I am indeed dry. Lord forbid it that I should stray from You. Draw me back to you again. To involve you in my daily thoughts.

2010-09-13T21:32:00.003+08:00

[God's Word]

How beautiful it is to read God's Word again! As I read and do my QT today, I was so thirsty for it! I was hungry to read it. And the words, though I've read them several times (cos of the markings I have previously made), they stood out and shine amazingly bright to me.

Lamentations 3:19-23
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

That God's love is the reason we hope. That God's faithfulness is the reason we hope. That in the midst of our showers of tears, God's sunshine will create a rainbow in our lives. That though we may have broken and strained relationships around us, God will never leave us nor forsake us. Because of His love. This is the reason I hope. This is the reason we hope.

It reminds me so much of Ps 13 too. A Psalm that brought me through my hard break-up. Hope brought me through that break-up too. And now, it will bring me through whatever that comes, be it a heart-break or uncertainty of the future.

2010-08-26T23:38:00.002+08:00

[updates]

I've set up another blog. For me to use during the office since blogger isn't accessible at office. So here it is: timeinoffice@wordpress.com

But don't bang on it too much. It's prob alot of complains and I'll usually write there when I really have a strong urge to write or that I wanna complain about work etc. Haha.

[beautiful messages]

The past few nights have been AWESOME! Every day since Monday, I managed to do my QT! I was wow! Okay! I've finally got to do it! Yay! To be honest, the past 5 weeks have been a struggle. I know that 5 weeks is long to adapt and get into a routine but seriously, it has been so! I can't have a fixed routine and without it, I need more discipline to do my QT. Well, I guess it's cos I sent my ODJ back to spore and now am relying on the devotional material on my Bible. And I wanted to keep on track with the schedule. So I follow it closely according to the days.

And it has been beautiful and wonderful! God has been speaking to me through each and every one of them! I was touched by it! Right from the beginning in Gen and picking on several stories. Today, I was touched again and God spoke to me. It is amazing how God spoke to me through the time I had with Him just now.

First, He gave me really quiet time. I had time alone in the room. Just myself and Him. It was nice. Then, I flipped through my journal randomly and chanced upon an entry that I wrote before I left for GIP. An entry way earlier, dating back to 12 March. In it, I was writing my fears that I have. And a verse that I chanced upon in Isaiah that encourages me to look to Him.

As I look through the fears, I realised that it is happening now. They are still my present fears and concerns. That was before I read the Genesis passage. After reading, God was teaching me through Sarai to not do things my way. To not take matters into my own hands. To wait patiently. For His perfect intention and perfect plan to unfold. It can save me lots of heartache. It was clear. These fears and concerns have to be given and committed to God. To not take things on my own and do things based on my own wisdom. But to really follow His plan and will. And to wait patiently.

Thank God for teaching me through His Word. And thank God for speaking to me.

Indeed, the rain just now was a blessing in disguise. Though I didn't go to cell group eventually, I got to spend good time with God, in quietness and in prayer. In intercession too as I pray for Sarah and Aunty Cas. Yeah. I was reminded of Aunty Cas and her new baby as I read the write-up :) Will definitely drop her a mail soon!

[family]

It was nice talking to Sarah just now, again. As always. I always enjoy my conversations with her. But it's just a pity that it's a short conversation. I don't get to talk to her for long. Mostly cos I always call late. Sad. But at least we can talk a bit. Please, Sarah, let's talk longer k? I was really touched when she told me that she put my picture as the wallpaper on her hp. It was really sweet of her. I wish I can also have a picture of her or the family in my wallet. Oh well. But it's okay. Seeing Reuben's photo also reminds me of the family.

And everytime I see Reuben's photo and read his message behind, I tear. I miss Reuben alot. I haven't talked to him for a long time. But somehow, everytime we are on the phone, we don't talk much. Sigh. What do I miss about him? I guess it's not the conversations that we have, the past fun that we shared or the driving arounds that we do. I believe it's simply because of who he is. Simply because he's my brother. Despite the little talk, I feel connected to him. I miss him. And because of the little talk, I miss him too. Talk more to me, k, boy? I really want to know what's happening on your side.

Alright. Homesickness is settling in. But it's normal I guess. I am somehow surpressing it through the phone calls that I make often. Oh well. I'll see how and what I can do.

Okay. I miss my other family too. My church. Miss the cell group that I'll miss too. Hope they'll grow together through the meet-ups. And, well, I miss serving in church too. It's really different going to another church. There is no familarity, no grounding, no belonging, very different. Now, I miss church. I really miss church. And will appreciate church more. Now, I understand what Jeremy meant when he talked about church going in the inital parts of his UK and US trips. Oh well. I hope I'll settle in soon, somewhere!

2010-08-13T01:09:00.000+08:00

For who You are

Standing here, in Your presence
Thinking of the good things You have done
Waiting here, patiently
Just to hear Your still small voice again
Holy, righteous, faithful to the end
Savior, healer, redeemer and friend

I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are Jesus

My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always
My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always
My soul secure, Your promise sure
Your love endures always

2010-08-11T00:53:00.001+08:00

[Love]

An excerpt from my journal:

I've been struggling. Ever since last week. Battling with why I'm here in SH. It's really tough. Communication is hard. And I feel horrible. It makes me want to cry. I was so close to tears. I really felt like going back. Even talking to Owen about it makes me feel sad and quiet. I simply looked down.

But I looked up just now and saw the keychain that XQ and Julian gave me. "God Loves Sharon". I remember Julian's explanation. They hope that this will always remind me that no matter what happens, God loves me and will always be there for me. Then, it reminded me of what Marcus shared about God's love being the basis of Christianity. There's nothing more to rely on than His love. If this is missing, then Christianity, this relationship with God, is nothing.

Then, it all fell into place. That God loves me so much that putting me here in SH is by no mistake or chance. There's a purpose. He couldn't have simply missed out this detail of my life or make a mistake. He shows His great love for me even by putting me in this place. Despite my weaknesses and inadequacies which result in this struggle, God puts me here still. And His love will see me through.

It reminded me of His characters reflected in Hannah's prayer (1 Sam 2). Of His holiness, His knowledge and His power. This God is a great God that I serve. Believe it, Sharon! You can overcome your difficulties and struggles! Through Christ who gives you strength! Philippians 4:13.

2010-08-07T01:55:00.000+08:00

[thinking]

I think I should stop thinking too much. Maybe I'm reading too much into things. Cos I realised that it's eating into me. I seem to get jealous, just a tint, somehow. I should stop. Really just take things as it is. To trust in God. Though there seem to be sparkles in the eyes just now, but maybe it was just the environment, the place and the drinks. Hmm. Yeah. I should just stop. Stop. And just trust in God for His plan, providence and purpose.

Lord, when will it be? Who will it be? I'm confused and really don't know what to do. Can you guide me? Please, will you guide me? Help me through this emotional time. Please help me to control my thoughts and feelings and tune it to you. Help me to be close to your footsteps and atune to your words.

On another note, work here hasn't been too good (except for today). It was super boring cos I wasn't given much to do. It got me so irritated that I simply just wanna go home! I wanna go back to spore and work there! Though it can be stressful but at least there are things to do--even simple things. I really don't mind. At least nothing like this one! I really wanna go home. To do my IA in Spore. Back to where there's comfort, where there's friends, where it's home.

I miss my friends. I miss my family.

2010-08-03T23:37:00.002+08:00

I miss my friends. Every single one of them. From my christian clique to my church friend to my non-christian friends too. But to be honest, I miss my Christian friends more. I miss the support they give me. Looking at the sms they send to my spore number, it's filled with so much wisdom and encouragement. It's just what I needed. Exactly what is lacking in my life now. I need it. I need them.

I really wanna reconnect with them. I treasure every one of their sms. I'll read and re-read them, taking in everything that they say. It just brings me to tears that I'm so far away from them :( literally to tears. I wish I don't have to suspend my spore line. But I have to. I wonder if they'll send these encouraging and Biblical sms to my china number. Will you? Can you?

On another note, I'm glad Marcus is coming on the 15th :) I hope it'll be a good time for him and I. And perhaps, receive the Christian-ly encouragement that I'm so lacking in. Now, I know what is Christian community and the importance of it.

I miss you, Wanting, John, Peter and Bethia. I miss you all lots.

2010-08-03T00:46:00.003+08:00

Be still my soul be still

This song had been playing in my mind since I came to SH. Popped into my mind several times. I wonder why. Well, I did listen to this song on the day that I left. At home. But it stuck on me pretty long. Hmm. I wonder if God has a message for me through this. To be still and wait for something? For His hand to work through me? Bringing to pass some of the things He had promised? For the things I'm struggling with? For the hopes that I have? For the current situation to turn better? I wonder. But it's a sweet song. I hope that God will teach me to wait patiently. I don't really need to know what is it exactly that He's referring to. Just lead me by the hand to that thing. And I know I'm safe. Safe in good hands. Bringing me to where He wants me to go and what He wants to show me. Sometimes, it's good. An exercise of faith, a guidance step-by-step, a wonderful journey with Him! =)

He is here for the broken and life to the one who is undone
He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless one
He is here, He is here

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still

When the waves rise against me and the wind tries to draw me away
I will stand on the mountain, safe in Your arms I will sing I will sing

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still

Be still I know He is God
He is here, He is here
Be still I know He is God
He is here, He is here

So be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still

2010-07-28T22:17:00.002+08:00

An awesome video made and edited by my artistic friend, Jue Xuan. Casted by my wonderful and awesome bunch of friends! Who was so lovely and send me off at the airport. Staying back till late.

I tear when I recall that scene.
I tear when I hear the song.
I tear when I see the album.

This is for you, my dear friends. What touched me is not just your presence but the effort you put in to make this memorable to me, to express your thoughts, the gratefulness to God for His grace in giving you to me! For letting me cross your paths! Just as how you've touched me in many MANY ways, I hope I'll have umpteen chances to be THAT friend to you.

So to Wanting, John, Qiao Yong, Lester, Yi Chen, Jue Xuan, Bok Wei, Eugene, Wee Siang, THANK YOU! You have been a great and fun bunch of people! Not forgetting Bethia too!

Also thanks to Marcus, Andrew, Khalis and my church friends! Thank you for coming to send me off! =) Loves and miss you lots! Of course, to my family too!!

2010-07-20T01:05:00.002+08:00

Complete

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart, I offer up my life
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

2010-07-19T01:56:00.005+08:00

[bless my little girl]

I was listening to this album recently. It always brings back many memories. When my family first had this album, it was in a cassette! So I had this way back long ago and that's why I can memorise almost every song without ever having to flip to see the lyrics!

And I simply love this album! Sweet and gentle. And it went with us to New Zealand and was always played when my dad drives along the highways. So whenever I hear the songs, there would be scenes of mountains and green grasslands flashing through my mind.

One thing I like about this album is that it has a Christian touch to it. Some songs are as prayers to God--to ask for God's blessings over this little girl. Like the one that mentions about the different women in the Bible and the characters they display and about how one day she'll meet her future husband and about faith, hope & love (1 Cor 13). Beautiful and wonderful! :)

As I hear this album, I was really touched. Oh, how I wished I had a little girl to behold and to sing these songs to. How I wish I have a daughter, a lovely and pretty baby girl in my arms...to hold her, to sing to her, to love her, to dedicate her to God, to pray over her, to train her up to be a woman of God. Such longing, it just keeps coming...I just wonder if I would ever have a chance. Nonetheless, I'll hope in God. And even if I can't pray over a child of my own, I can pray over my nieces and other people's children :)

2010-07-15T00:47:00.003+08:00

[I will miss]

I will miss...
my family;
the times when I can make funny faces at my sister in the mirror
when I can just lay my arm on her shoulder
when I can just look down and see her peaceful sleeping look and say a prayer for her
the times when I can just hug my mum and she'll shrink back
when I wake up every morning to breakfast on the table
when I can just talk to her endlessly
the times when I can sit by my brother's bedside and talk to him
when I struggle to find words to say
when I fetch him from the mrt station late at night
the times when I can greet my dad when he returns from work
when I can teh him and argue with him to let me drive the car
when I joke with him and tell him things that he "everthing also know"
when I can see the sparkle in his eyes and the youthfulness in him

I will miss...
my church;
the familiarity of the people
the familiarity of the place
the seat that I always sit at
when I can just stand at one side and have my refreshment without feeling weird
when I can talk to everyone and anyone and catch up with them
when I get bullied by the adults but in a fun way
when I can just sit quietly and listen to the adults talk
when I can play the keyboard and serve God and the people
when I can let my fingers run and let my mind play melodies inspired by God
when I can give the hugs to the many ladies there who had seen me grow up
when I hear the familiar voice of my pastor and knows that she's been praying for us

I will miss..
my friends;
the new friends that I make
the budding new friendships and relationships with people
the guys that are entering uni this year

I will miss...
the weekly church prayer meeting that I've grown very fond of;
the church leaders that I'm beginning to know
the people knowing me as "Lim Soo Guan's daughter"
the touch of God as we pray together
the wonderful testimonies shared by the leaders
the movement of the Spirit in each session
the intentional time to pray for my pastor, my leaders and the Baptist community

I will miss...
the safe environment in Singapore;
the going to shopping centers whenever, wherever
the safe return home by taxi, bus and train
the low crime rates

I will miss...
the freedom of worship;
the many church buildings in Singapore
the bold proclamation of the gospel
the unmasked version of the good news
the big bright banners that are hung at the buildings
the freedom of holding conferences
the wide publicity

There are so many things that I'll be leaving behind. So many things that I'll miss. And I'll dearly miss. And I've learned not to take these things for granted. In the coming one week before my departure, let these be uttered as thanksgiving. And let these be my prayer and intercession.

Oh! And I will miss...
my long hair;
which I'm going to cut tomorrow :P

2010-07-02T00:40:00.002+08:00

[intercession]

I was reading the "A woman God can use" book and today, I learned lessons through the lady called Abigail. She was a wife or a mean and surly man. The chapter touches on abusive families. Particularly addressing to woman who are abused--verbally, physically or sexually.

Since this author is a speaker at various conferences and an author too, she has many stories to tell. And she writes about a real-life story of such a case happening even within a Christian family where the husband is a leader of the church. I was quite surprised at this. Yet, I know that I shouldn't be. Even Christians are human and is part of this fallen nature.

As I read, my heart goes out to this lady and to all the abused women out there. It just pains my heart to see, read and hear about it. I've read from various sources about such abuse cases. I know it's a reality. I know it's true. But I never read about it in such details and reading about the emotions the abused woman went through.

Actually, I never could understand the extent of these abuse. Even in my home, my parents never abuse each other verbally. Thank God for His grace and protection on us all these years. And so, when I read the book, I was so sad. When I closed the chapter, I just prayed, interceded for all the women who are victims of abuse. To save each one from the clutches of Satan and to find support in others. To stand up and confront the issue, to find value in God once again. And I prayed for all of our (myself & my girl friends) future. That God will protect us and in His grace, give us a family that is healthy. That our husbands will not be like Abigail's husband and will not be abusive in any form. May my prayers be answered according to His Will. Amen.

2010-06-30T16:43:00.003+08:00

[teaching vs coaching]

Today, I was forced by my mum to go do a relief for a trainer in an enrichment programme. At first, I don't want to go. But my only motivation was the money. It was quite a lot and I decided to just do it. It's a p6 class and only 28 pupils. So just bear with it and get through the 1.5hours of it.

Wow. I was totally...Well, let's just say that my conclusion is that I really cannot teach in a classroom. I cannot control the class. No matter how fierce I look or how strict I am, I can't seem to get the students attention and respect. There isn't total silence for more than 2 mins. And I wonder if whatever I taught just now is drilled into the students' head. Sigh.

I really so so so like to coach instead of teach. To give tuition or to tutor one-to-one or one-to-two instead of to a class. As I was teaching one particular boy after class, one-on-one cos he wasn't paying attention, the message was so clearly spelt across. The lesson was clearly taught. Boy! I certainly miss giving tuition! Ahh...I wanna give tuition again! :(

[God-annoited meet-ups]

These days, I've been meeting up with friends. And it's really nice. Haha. I think it can be clearly seen from here that I'm an extrovert--I gain my energy from meeting people. Haha.

And before each meet-up, I always pray. Pray that there would be opportunity for God to speak to whoever through me, for a chance of prayer, a chance of catch-up, a chance of seeing how else I can be praying for that person in my own time. And God answers my prayer.

I had a good meet-up with Le Jing. My dearest sister and had a chance to pray for her and her family. Also, shared with her lessons I've learned during the mission trip and from God Himself. Thank God that there was a chance to share, a chance to speak and those lessons that have touched me also encouraged her :) I'm really grateful to God for such an annoited time with her; such an open sharing--of joy, fears and frustrations.

Another good meet-up was with Wei Ling. This was totally nice and sweet and enjoyable. We just sat at Breeks at Causeway point and talk non-stop after dinner for 2 hours plus. Just hearing stories from Wei Ling about movements in msia, guys, church etc. And I get to share my stories too. It was nice. A really fun time and lots of talking. And at the end of everything, God answered my prayer by giving me a chance to pray for her. It's good. Especially when the others are not here. So I really get to pray for her without offending any non-christian friends that might be there.

Thank God for a time like this. Thank God for the special bonds that we have. Thank God for good, honest and open sharing. And thank God for giving us access to the throne of grace through our Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for being the great high priest! :)

2010-06-25T16:37:00.007+08:00

1 Samuel 2:1-10

Hannah's Prayer

1 Then Hannah prayed and said:
"My heart rejoices in the LORD;
in the LORD my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.

2 "There is no one holy like the LORD;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.

3 "Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the LORD is a God who knows,
and by him deeds are weighed.

4 "The bows of the warriors are broken,
but those who stumbled are armed with strength.

5 Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
but those who were hungry hunger no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
but she who has had many sons pines away.

6 "The LORD brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up.
7 The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
he humbles and he exalts.
8 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor.

"For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's;
upon them he has set the world.
9 He will guard the feet of his saints,
but the wicked will be silenced in darkness.

"It is not by strength that one prevails;
10 those who oppose the LORD will be shattered.
He will thunder against them from heaven;
the LORD will judge the ends of the earth.

"He will give strength to his king
and exalt the horn of his anointed."

[abstract from a book I'm reading]

From the first highlight, God is holy--an absence of evil. And also a presence of positive right. It is God at work doing what is positively right for us. It is the part of God's nature that keeps Him from doing anything in our lives that is not in our best interest. His love is a holy love, a pure love, committed to our best good.

From the second highlight, the Lord is a God of knowledge. His perfect knowledge keeps Him from doing anything in our lives that is not perfectly right for us. God does not waste His strokes in our lives. God knows what is best for us. No trial and error. No foul balls or strikeouts. The Lord is a God of knowledge. That gives us confidence in His actions in our lives.

From the third highlight, God has power. The Lord of Creation has all power. He can do whatever He wants to do. That fact, without the first two facts, might terrify us. But God tempers His power with His commitment to our welfare. He controls His power with His knowledge of what is best for us.

God is not finite. God is not fallible. He not only wants what is best for us and knows with perfect knowledge what is best, He also has the power to make the best happen in our lives. God's holy commitment to us, God's knowledge of what is best for us and God's power to make the right things happen in our lives are all linked together for our good.

This reminds me of Romans 8:28-29. I thank God for showing me this passage and this insight.

So God, I commit all my fears, insecurities, concerns and worries to you. You know what is best for me, you know it with full knowledge. And in your mighty power, you will make my best interests come to pass. Trusting in your holy love, I know you will do it for the good of those who love you and are called according to your purpose. Every joy and tribulation. Every obstacles and trials. Every dilemma and crossroads. I thank you for each one that I've been through. And I have full assurance in you for each one to come.

2010-06-23T00:36:00.003+08:00

Today

Wash me, Lord, in the beauty of your holiness
Teach me how to walk in your ways
Show me how to love in the way that you first loved me
Teach me how to live the way you lived

Laying down your rights, you took up the cross
Laying down your life, for the glory of God

I will be today, a follower of Jesus
I will be today, a voice of God
I will be today, the hands and feet of the Saviour
The servant of the King of all the world
That's what I will be today

Fill me Lord, with the power of your Spirit
Change me heart, change my mind
Let your heart be the heart that's beating through me
That I can see the world the way you see

2010-06-23T00:15:00.003+08:00

Words

Words are such powerful tools
It can build someone up
And it can break someone's heart

I've personally been a receiver of it in both cases
And now to deliver a message across, it's no easy feat
To be tactful in my words, to bring my message across

What to say
What not to say
How much of a personal opinion should I voice out

Should all my thoughts be spilled out
All in the name of honesty?
Or should sensitivity guard my lips
And forbid some thoughts to be said?

I really am scared
To hurt another soul
And all I can pray and ask for
Is wisdom from on-high

To know what to say
To know how to say
And most importantly,
To know if this is what You want me to say

2010-06-22T01:26:00.002+08:00

[trips]

Been travelling quite a fair bit recently. And will be doing one major trip in 4 weeks time! 4 weeks! So fast! Can't believe it's so fast. It's so scary. Honestly. Am scared. Don't know what to expect and having fears. Fears of being bullied. Afterall, it's a country whose laws and culture I'm unfamiliar with. And I'll be in a company where I'm the lowest of the lowest. God protect me.

So yeah. Just came back from a trip in Batam, for a church camp, and a trip in The Philippines where I went for a mission trip. Both were great and wonderful! Thank God for the wonderful and peaceful encounters with Him! Meeting Him in both trips is really something that is awesome, beautiful and captivating! Thank God! =)

God is gracious. That's one character trait that I learned from the recent mission trip. He has been gracious to the organisation there, the pastors who have been labouring for years, the ministry and to me personally. Thank God for His grace, mercy, faithfulness and perseverance.

Through hearing (the other) Sharon's life stories (which are MANY), I picked out points and learned from her many things! And finally it struck me what God has been telling me, in increasing frequency, these days. Looking at my diaries (yes, there were more than one), I realised that it has been an on-going process. Among the many things that God teaches me, He has been emphasising that point time and again. And God has been gracious to me, speaking to me gently and not using a harsh rod on me. Thank you God. I will heed and listen to what you have to say.

And because of who you are, God, I will trust you in this upcoming china trip. Lord, you know how I feel. You know how scared I am. You know my fears, insecurities and thoughts. You make me inside out and you know my every thought. So, Father, address them. Bit by bit. Revealing yourself to me too. And in who you are, I will be assured. Amen.

2010-06-08T16:50:00.002+08:00

[update]

Okay. Before I start doing anything, I promised Marcus a few weeks back that I'll blog. So here I am! Blogging. I wonder why I don't have much inspiration these few weeks. Hmm. Maybe cos I'm just consumed by the other things that need to be done.

Yes. I've been pretty busy. Emailing back and forth still. For all the accomodation. And making phone calls to discuss issues etc. But I thank God for this week of rest as I prepare myself for the mission trip starting this Saturday. Pray for safety and protection against harm and danger k? :)

The past few days have been good. Had a good session of K with my friends! Really awesome! Though missed a few people like Yichen and Jue Xuan! Especially JX. Not just our photographer, but the hype of our clique and I wanted to catch up and chat with her too. Oh well. But still, it was nice just being with my other friends and singing together. Wow. Wanting can do harmonising really well! And QY is really funny when he's high on singing. Never seen him like that before! Lol. And another funny thing is that we end up singing alot of English songs instead of Chinese songs. Really. I would dare say that out of the many songs we sing within 4 hours, there are only about 5 songs that are chinese. The rest are English ones. Lol.

I met up with my flatmates too. Hui Min and Ken and Owen. It was nice meeting them finally. Couldn't recognise Hui Min and Ken until they came forward to greet me. Ha. And had a really good and long and nice chat with Ken, just sitting at the steps at City Hall stn. 1 hour. Just sitting there and getting to know him better :) Talked about his recent vietnam trip too! We had lunch together as a group thereafter and discussed about the apartment and the items to buy over. I'm glad we all can clique relatively well so far.

Except for the shopping part. Ken and I were very sporting. He would enter the girls shop tgt with me and linger a while there, and I would enter the guys shop when he's shopping for his clothes. It was nice shopping with him too. But Hui Min seems bored and left both shops quickly. Hmm. I wonder if I would hold her up next time when we go shopping together. She says she does more online shopping. I guess that explains why. But, I'll certainly miss shopping with Wanting and Bethia whom I met later that evening!

Yeah. Had a good time of shopping and dinner too! Cheap and good dinner! =) Good lobang right? :) So shopped for quite a fair bit and surprisingly, I was the first one to surrender and say "tired". Haha. But well, it was a good ladies night-out! Miss ya Bethia! =)

[communication]

Changing topic, this one has been stuck in my head for quite a while now. I was just looking at the various communication means present now. Phone call, video call, msn, sms, fb and skype. It brought to my mind how little I call people to chat now and rely heavily on sms. Fb is 2nd and email is 3rd. And I really miss those days when I would chat non-stop on the phone.

My favourite phone partner is Yi Xian. And it's no wonder he was very nostalgic at my bday party, recalling the good old days. Yeah. We would talk on the phone non-stop just about everything and that's how we became the best of friends. Khalis too. That was after we graduate from our sec school.

Sigh. Now, talking on the phone is really not easy. For some people, like Wanting, we can chat on the phone easily but just that we don't call often. While for others, it's really just talking business. Or still others, just a bit hard to get them to chat comfortably with me on the phone. There seems to be this apprehension or fear. I don't know. All I can say is that I miss talking on the phone and miss this form of easy & clear communication.

I wonder if the advance in technology is doing us good. It seems to stifle our communication and inter-personal skills. With sms or email or fb, it's easy to mis-interpret the other party's tone, feelings and thoughts. It becomes like talking to a cyber-someone that when we really meet face-to-face, we are stumped for words. Haha. I was discussing this with Marcus and he was telling me that there are good and bad to all forms of communication. Perhaps, then, there isn't a one best means of communication, but which is the most relevant one. But still, I can't help thinking that phone calls are better than sms. Haha.

[recall]

I was reading the previous entries on my blog. And I read the one where I wrote some reflections and words of encouragement that I've received. And I really feel ashamed that I've forgotten them and that I haven't been writing much about it recently. And not thinking about it. Boy. I'm so distracted. I really gotta concentrate and keep my focus on Him! Come on, Sharon. You can do this!

2010-05-26T00:58:00.003+08:00

[over-extrovert?]

I really wonder if I'm being overly friendly; too extrovert; too socialable; too bold.

I don't know. I just find myself doing things that normally people won't do. It's not harmful that I do it, it's just against norm. Yet, after doing it, I really do feel much more energized and happy and just simply smile to myself. Hmm...

Had this train of thought after today's SOLEAD cum Gen12ii commissioning. I was so glad to see the big crowd and was looking out for random people that I might happen to meet! And indeed, I found one who was sitting beside me at BSF class ytday! :) Was very surprised to see him.

Then, I sat beside Marcus and had many good laughs and chats too! It was really fun just playing, joking, teasing him and being teased. I really enjoyed the dinner and all. It was really nice and fun! And I knew that was when he and I were high. Obviously, he was high. I've never seen Marcus that high and friendly before. As for me, it brought out the social side of me.

I think my nickname "hello world" is really apt. I'm so much to that extent that just now, on the way down the stairs at BB station, I saw a guy who looks familiar. Then I just smiled and nodded at him. He reciprocated my actions. But all the way towards the bus stop, I had no recollection of where I met him until he boarded the same bus as me and alight at the same stop.

So I figured out that he's probably someone that I've seen often on the bus and so recognise him. I can't believe that I just greeted someone like that. Just someone that I see at the bus often. And there I am smiling and making eye contact. Huh? Doesn't it make you raise your eyebrow? Why am I doing it? I don't know. I don't know why I'm so friendly to strangers (those that look dangerous or seem suscipious). Am I putting myself in danger?

On a side note, when we alighted, he had to cross the road while I walked ahead. So we nodded and waved goodbye before we part. He was the one that smiled at me first, this time round. I guess he's open too. I wonder if I'll see him at the bus stop next time. Perhaps, I'll go forward and really speak to him. I won't be paiseh. I'll in fact be very glad to make a friend, an acquantaince! But I just hope this doesn't frighten him. And this doesn't frighten random people that I meet.

Yet, this make me think if I'm doing the right thing. Am I putting my guard down too much that I endanger myself? Especially since I have no form of defence (except God) and am a girl. Hmmm....should I exercise some self-control and not be too sociable or joking with people too much? Hmm...

2010-05-23T00:57:00.004+08:00

[updates]

Yes! Finally I can blog! It's been a really long time since I last blog cos I haven't had the inspiration recently and I have been too busy at night. Yes, you can still find me on fb and appearing offline on msn. But I just can't blog. Glad I've finally had the inspiration but wonder how much I can squeeze in the remaining time!

First, wanna say that I'm sooooo busy! I've started working. Not a permanent one but ad-hoc. Bringing pri & sec sch students to different parts of Singapore for outdoor learning. So far, I've brought Holy innocents pri & St Anthony's to T3 for lessons. It was good. Not bad. And Nanyang pri to Hort park (which was quite bad cos it was a science lesson). It was tougher teaching science than maths. I still like maths *beams*

But doing that is really tiring. Plus, I haven't recovered fully from my sore throat. So all this while, I've been teaching with that sexy voice of mine! :S quite bad actually. I know I shouldn't be so harsh on my body but I really have to work and earn that money to pay off my bills. Geez. If it's not for those bills, I would have done less or take time off in between. Oh well. Since I always spend before I earn, it's time I make good my word/concept.

When it comes to at night, I'll be busying replying emails. Boy! I've never had to reply so many emails and so urgently before! All the accomodation in china. Liasing with 2 people now. And emailing my flatmates etc. It's so tedious! And so many things to settle. So many questions to ask. Ha. And it's not just the 2 of them that I have to reply. But also to some of my friends whom I'm keeping in contact with. Talking about which, I've yet to email Jeremy & Shuhui. Ahh. How I wish I can just sit down and have the time to write a looong email to them. How I miss them so much!

Boy! Working is really taking alot of time. Now, the feeling floods back when I don't really like working. If only I can just don't work and don't study. Be able to do what I like and can still sustain life. Hmm. Do you think I should go work in some farm area? Grow my own vegetable garden, have some animals and lead a self-sustainable life? Then I don't need to make money. Just make sure the vegetables & animals are enough to provide for my meals. Haha. What an interesting thought! Perhaps eh? :P

Okay. On another note, I've been reading and learning alot recently from the various authors and notes that I've read. Would like to share here. The first one is from my BSF notes on John 8. John 8:12 "...I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." It talks about how we need to follow Jesus cos He is the one beaming with light and gives life. And I like what the notes writes: "Our Lord makes this promise for those in the condusion of uncertainty or the darkness of insecurity, for those who know not their origin or destination. To have light is also to have life, for human life cannot flourish where there is no light. Although you may live in a place of great darkness, as you personally choose to be with Jesus and move with Him as He works in your situation, you will walk in full confidence, for the darkness around cannot touch the life of the one who walks in His light."

The phrase that highlighted to me most is "move with Him". It's more than just having the light, holding on to the light. But it's also moving with it. It's a continuous action. It's obedience to His Will. And it's something that I must do more intentionally and consciously. I gotta get up from where I am and move together with God. To walk in His light, to abide by Him :) That is my prayer!

I've also learned a fair bit from the book "A woman God can use". Life lessons from OT women. Read on Eve & Leah. Beautiful women. I learned that the tree of good and evil was there so that Adam & Eve could love God meaningfully. It brought me to think what object/situation in my life is similar to that tree? A temptation, a distraction but yet, it teaches me to love God meaningfully and intentionally. It's a good thought and reflection and I'm glad I got my answer. I am going to love God meaningfully despite it all.

From Leah, I learned that God often works in our lives, not by giving us perfect situation, but by showing His power and love in our imperfect situation. This is clearly seen when Leah, with all her longing for a husband's love, was seen by God and given children. Her situation didn't change still but her mindset changed. You can see it from her naming of the children. She changed from what she wants to what she have in God. That is a mindset that we can all adopt too. And through this imperfect situation (without a husband's love), one of her sons was the chose tribe to have King David and thereafter the seed of Abraham--Jesus. Beautiful ending. Thank God for being all so powerful! And indeed, He is incomprehensible! :)

2010-05-10T01:10:00.000+08:00

[the holidays]

I'm indeed enjoying every ounce and minute and day and moment of it! It really is good! Feels very good! And I thank God for the holidays! =) It really is a good time for myself, to do my own things and do what needs to be done! I have much dreams and aspirations for this hols!

But then again, was reading russell's blog and he mentioned balance. I suppose I really have to balance work/activeness and relaxation. I think that's very true. Not that I'm starting to feel bored but that I don't want my mind and body to rot.

And I've been noticing something else. Despite the much freedom I have, I feel that I'm wasting my time away. Like I'm finding some form of escape. Escape from reality into games or tv. It's like I'm running away. And I'm definitely not running to God :(

Which also brings me to my next point that despite the time I have, I don't seem to pay much attention to Him recently. Nor increasing in that. I still read the Bible but not spending as much quality time there :( I know what I should do and need to do but I just don't seem to set my heart down at it. Oh boy. This is bad uh? I really gotta do something about it!

I guess the first thing I should do is to start sleeping early so I can think more clearly! Like now! Nitez world!

2010-05-09T00:30:00.003+08:00

[21st birthday party]

Had really great fun at the party! It sure was fun organising and hosting it! Erm, by hosting, I mean inviting my friends, talking to them etc. Can't have this party without my mum's help! She played a big part in this--food, place and gave me her suggestion of many decisions! She helped me in the areas where I can't split myself into 2. Esp at the part when we have to go down to deco the room. Haha. Thanks mum! And thank God for her! :) Her patience and her un-complaning attitude!

My emcees were great! Peter and John! They did a really great job! I really asked the right person! And it's really better that I just stand behind and not hosting the whole prog and be entertained by them! I am really glad that they are able to stall time when my computer cock up. Impromptu and really good at the brother-talk! Haha. Thanks alot pals! You guys were great! Thanks! I owe you one! :)

The food was good. In many people's opinion. Didn't get to try the dessert though and many dishes too. Haha. But I'm glad everyone said it was good.

It was nice to see my cousins again though I didn't get to talk too much with them. Haha. But it sure is nice! :) But last minute, people did back-out. Was quite sad about it :( Oh well.

The people who came were my primary sch friends, sec sch, ntu mse clique, ntu crusaders, family and chruch friends! =))

The highlight of the party was the video! I believe, without the video, the party would just be something that would fade off in the memories of others. A beautiful and awesome video made by my clique! I was so touched that they did this! I started crying non-stop from the start to the end. Until Yixian had to offer me a piece of tissue to wipe my tears. Haha. Was more touched than laughing my way off. Haha. But it was still funny!

Thank each one of them: Wanting, Jue Xuan, John, Peter, Wee Siang and Qiao Yong for taking time to make the video and come out with the lyrics! Haha. It sure was a nice one! =)) Check it out below!

Well, hope that my romeo will come soon! I'm still waiting. Haha.

On another note, I was telling my bro that only on 2 birthdays, you'll receive many presents: 1st birthday and 21st birthday (if you organise a party). Haha. And it's really been a long time since I last received soooooo many presents! Each one is unique and beautiful! Really liked them much! =D

The birthday cards and wishes are also especially touching to me! I was reading each and every one of them twice over! I am very encouraged when I see the many wishes and hopes and encouragement for me to draw closer to God, walk in His will, wait upon Him and grow closer to Him! I am really touched! And it's just what I needed. Needed that boost to persevere in my life and press on despite circumstances. The going has really been tough recently. And this is an answered prayer from God! =) Thank you God!

On another note, I've been doing self-de-brief on my own. Haha. Pointing out what could have been better and what I should improve on. So here goes, for those who are orgainising a party:

Should get someone else to handle the laptop (cos of my laptop screw-up, I missed quite a bit of the thank-yous said to me by my emcees and choon seang. sorry!)
Shouldn't start so early at 6pm
Should do more videos or performances. People are more entertained by that, than by quizes/games
Pay more attention to the guests especially if I'm up on the "stage"
Spend more time preparing. Too last minute already. Even the speech wasn't well-prepared nor written down in points :( I really regret this one.

Okay. That's all then. Overall, I had a memorable 21st birthday celebration. Sorry to those whom I didn't invite. Didn't have alot of space in my function room!

Photos will be loaded soon! Meanwhile, enjoy the video! =)

And another one on my milestones in life by Matthew!

2010-05-08T00:52:00.001+08:00

[21st birthday party thank-you poem]

Dear friend, thanks for coming today
Your presence has certainly made my day
This party I will forget not
Likewise, our friendship shall never be nought

2010-05-06T02:30:00.002+08:00

[a mother's day poem]

The most thankful thing my mum has done
Is the simplest thing of all
The tugging of my ankle at morning's dawn
Even though the order is tall (aka tall order)

Ensuring that I wake up in time
Before I am late for appointments
She never fails to pull me up
Despite my temperament

So here and now, I wanna thank her
For greeting me each day
And her patience towards me always
Happy Mother's day!

2010-04-28T00:26:00.002+08:00

[my earliest 21st birthday celebration]

It started out with a msn convo asking when are my paper. Then he asked me out on wed for lunch as a celebration for my birthday. I was surprised. But was glad at the same time. Thought twice and decided to put it as a dinner before BSF instead. And so it was set. On the monday that just passed.

So we met at tanjong pagar, walked around to see a few places but really couldn't decide between western or japanese. Stood in front of secret recipe and pushing the decision maker role to each other. And just when I decided to assume that role, he voiced his opinion too. Haha. And so we ended up at Sakae :)

It was a good meal. A good time of catching up especially since I haven't had a decent and long conversation with him for a long time. Asked my questions, shared my concerns and was glad. He treated me to dinner that day too! That's present #2. Present #1 was when he said that super long birthday prayer for me while thanking God for the food. It was so super sweet of him! :) I was pretty touched as he prayed over my exams, my course, my life and my walk with God. I didn't expect that and it was very thoughtful of him. I glad he took that chance to thank say grace for us.

Present #3 came when he suddenly gave me plastic bag. In it was an envelope and a present. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly he prepared the present. Thought it might be rushed for him. Ha. And present #3 was the sweet poem he wrote for me. Not a love poem but a birthday wishes. Awesome! Actually, I kinda demanded it when he wrote a poem for our mutual friend. But cos of everything else, it slipped my mind. But I'm glad it didn't slipped his. And it was very nice and beautifully written. Rhymed well! And naturally, present #4 is that present he gave. The first present I received which I couldn't resist but to open it!

It was certainly a night that is sweet and nice! It's a night that is thoughtful and brings smiles to my face. I thank God for this brother-in-Christ. And I thank God for his friendship :) Out of these 4 presents he gave, the best is the 1st. His prayer of blessing and wishes over me is something that I've never experienced before. Thank God! :)

2010-04-19T16:45:00.003+08:00

[planning brain at work]

It's really great to start planning things again! Boy! It sure had been a long time since I last planned for events! And starting again to plan for my bday party just make me thrilled!

At first, I was super stressed up. I just had this nagging thing at the back of my head and was making me frustrated. After that, I suddenly had inspiration! Probably after I spoke to Grace, my choir friend, who had organised her bday party. Then, ideas start pouring in. Inspiration came as waves and waves of it. My mind was rushing and full of ideas! Cool! =) I had a lot of fun while planning and thinking about it!

Good and bad. Bad while it's amid exam preparation. It literally took up alot of time and SLEEP as I lay in bed just thinking about what to do, how to deco etc. But it's good cos I finally got the real Sharon back! It's like it's been sooo long since I was last excited for something like this! Something that I'm passionate about and don't mind spending long hours on! Something that has been long forgotten and yet a dear part of me! So overall, I'm happy!

I really like planning! But amid all these planning, I know that I got slow things down, spread things out cos I gotta make time for my studies. Oh boy. Kinda sad cos I'm afraid I'll lose that inspiration. But oh well. It needs to be done, so be it. A form of ground for training in discipline too!

But this also makes me wonder if I should work in some event management/planning company like Pico instead of being an engineer. I wonder if this is really where my passion and interest and skills strength lie. I wish there was a course such as "event planning/management" for students to take in uni. I think that would be much more useful! Imagine me applying for that job. "Erm. Though I don't have the tertiary skills necessary for this job but..." Boy! It's so hard to complete that sentence!

But still, the bottom line is: Should I just straightaway work in this kinda company? Apply for this job when I graduate? Is this my career? Is this meant for me?

I wonder. It does make me excited when I think about it. I think I'll be much happier working in this company than at an engineering company. But it does make me upset that after 4 years of studying Materials Engine, I wouldn't be applying it in my job. Oh boy! I don't know. Ha. That's for 2 calendar years to decide! For now, let me just enjoy the process of planning my bday party! =)) Cheers!

2010-04-13T13:39:00.002+08:00

[Birthday]

For one of the rare years, I'm clueless as to how I wanna spent my birthday. The actual day. I think this time round, it's really tricky cos it's in the midst of the uni exam period and it's a Saturday. So I have a feeling that its' gonna be crowded everywhere and sat is a family time.

Then again, it feels strange as to why I feel so cos every year on my birthday, it's always crowded since it's a public hol. And every year, my friends also spend time with their family since it's Labour Day! An off-day for all working adults. And every year since pri school, my birthday falls during the exam period or right before the exams start. Haha. I think it's funny.

Oh well. It's quite sad that I can't realise those big dreams that I have. Of climbing Mount Kinabula and reaching the peak on my birthday! Of travelling around to msia or some other beach. To just spend time with God in a place that is different from Singapore and much quieter there.

Oh well. No point thinking of "how I wish". Let's just look ahead and see how and what I can do to make this birthday interesting and memorable! =)

2010-04-13T13:37:00.001+08:00

[I am God's original masterpiece]

Take time to watch and let it speak to you! Let the verses quoted speak to you!

2010-04-11T23:17:00.004+08:00

[He spoke, once again]

As I went back home with unhappy and grumbling thoughts, I knew that somehow God will speak to me through the Bible later on. And sure enough, He did.

Philippians 4:11, 12, 13 and 19 "...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances...I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation...I can do everything through him who gives me strength...And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Well, I must admit that these are words that is hard for me to swallow and take in. To be content. And in every situation. It's very hard. But nonetheless, it's a message that God wants me to take. It would do good to listen and respond appropriately. Just don't take too long to respond and be willing to do so. After all, it's your choice, Sharon. But always know there are unpleasant consequences when bad choices are made.

2010-04-10T23:59:00.002+08:00

Excerpt from my diary:

I was reading John 8:31-58. A long passage. And it's filled with strong hard truth from Jesus. It's no wonder the Jews at that time were so upset and angry at His words. It was indeed claims that were beyond comprehension and seems absurd. Only to those who chose not to hear. Only to those who were not opened. Putting myself in their shoes, I can understand their frustrations and questions.

Yet, this makes me appreciate faith more. Helps me understand it better. Well, though it's hard words to swallow, yet there were people who had believed Jesus then. There were people, the Jews and non-Jews. The Samaritans, woman at the well, Centurion soldier, paralysed man and friends, the 12 disciples...These people believed Jesus. There must be something that triggered them to believe.

And it's

Faith
God opening up their hearts and eyes to see
People whom God gives to Jesus

Indeed, it's both ways. I always believe it's both ways. God opening up the hearts and man responding to it in faith. And it sure is a big step of faith then1 And now too! For some, the atheist and the agnostic. They are big claims to swallow. I now understand, in part, why it's hard for them to accept. It's really something not rational to human mind.

Faith. It sure is powerful. It can be as small as a mustard seed but it can move mountains! I pray that one day, my friends will take that step of faith in Jesus and God will open up their hearts.

2010-04-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

This Kingdom

2010-04-09T00:55:00.003+08:00

I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility
And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
(I just haven't met you yet)
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven't met you yet

Particularly like this song when I heard it in the radio. The lyrics and the title so express my thoughts and feelings especially for the previous post. Like the music--cheerful and optimistic. It's nice. Something that's unique instead of the longing and sadness kinda mood. Well, I hope I'll be optimistic too and hope in God!

2010-04-08T01:00:00.003+08:00

[stress-thoughts]

Often, when I'm stressed up over studying, I always wish for 2 things: 1) Companionship 2) Days of old

Companionship. I start to wish that I have a bf already. Someone I can talk to when I'm stressed out, to just pour out my feelings and thoughts. And to hear words of comfort. To know that someone else is also there, staying up with me late into the night and cheering me on. And subsequently, I'll start to think of all my girl friends who have bfs already. Boy! I sure think that they are very lucky! I wish mine will come soon too. I wish for companionship. A human companionship.

Days of old. I really wish I can go back to the past--the primary school and secondary school days. Sorry, had to minus the JC days cos it was very stressful too. I wanna go back to those pri & sec sch days when I don't have much stress. When everything was systematic and rigid and routine. There isn't much worry. The only battle was my growing character and my weaknesses. Not a race again time or memory or the cohort. Everything then was really hard work/effort = results. But not so in uni. And it gets so tough. It gets so scary. Sigh. I want the days of old. I want that kinda life. I wish for time to turn back...

[Birthday]

On another note, my 21st birthday is coming! In about 3-4 weeks time! Boy! It sure is exciting! Birthdays are always a big thing to me, quite a contary to the perception of most people. I see birthdays as a time of celebration, a time of joy, a time of happiness, a time that is special and unique to me, a time to catch up with people, a time to smile and just be myself cos I'm the princess on that day! It's also a time for me to be grateful and thankful to God for sustaining me through that XX number of years.

So birthdays are a big thing to me. They are special. So every year, on my birthday, it's packed back-to-back with meet-ups with people. From breakfast to lunch to tea to dinner and to supper. Yes. All 3 + 2 meals!

Well, this year, coupling with the fact that I'm 21 years old, I suddenly feel a sense of disappointment and sadness about this. Cos I won't be able to celebrate this actual day with my best friends at this phrase of my life--my uni friends. All are mugging, all are studying and all just seems unwilling to come out with me. I did ask, I did hint, I did suggest, but it just failed. I got bombarded with responses like, "celebrate after exams lah", "what's the hurry?", "got long holiday mah".

You never know but these words pierce me. Yet, I quietly took them in, knowing that nothing I say can make you change my mind. And that I shouldn't use anything--my sphere of influence & our friendship--to risk your revision and cheer along with me on my birthday. I shouldn't and I wouldn't. There's a free choice. And I'm clearly aware of the situation you are in. But still, it hurts not to spend a portion of that day with you.

Well, I can only just pray and wish and hope that my sphere of influence will work on others who are not studying or whose exams are over by then. And I hope that that day will be something meaningful and special. And I hope it'll be something that's bustling with activities, fun, laughter and surprises!

2010-04-07T00:51:00.002+08:00

[Quotes]

Today I was brought to read Obadiah. A small book of the Bible and it's interesting. From the first few verses, I figured out that the material would talk about pride and sure enough, it did! I found these 2 quotes interesting. Sharing with you here.

From Charles Haddon Spurgeon in Sermons on Sovereignity, "There are 2 sins of man that are bred in the bone, and that continually come out in the flesh. One is self-dependence and the other is self-exaltation. It is very hard, even for the best of men, to keep themselves from the first error. The holiest of Christians, and those who understand best the gospel of Christ, find in themselves a constant inclination to look to the power of the creature, instead of looking to the power of God and the power of God alone."

What God desires from His people is humility--an attitude of submission and obedience, grounded in the acknowledgment of our true needy status before Him.

Amen.

2010-03-31T13:40:00.003+08:00

[flowers]

Was looking through Deviant art for pictures for worship slides and come across these wonderful and beautiful photograph of cherry blossom! =) pretty! Ever since I've seen it in Taiwan, it just makes me smile whenever I see this type of flower!

I feel that the sepia photo of the cherry blossom is nice. The photographer titled it as "waiting". Yeah. It really has this serene, patient and long-time kinda waiting. Unhurried waiting. I guess it best reflects my up and down emotion of waiting for God's plan to unfold. And I hope that He does have one for me in that area too!

The following one is nice. I like the white light behind. The photographer titled it "not afraid to dream". Yeah. It does have the dreamy effect. But it's beautiful. Like you can be in a trance filled with all the lovely dreams that you want! =) nice! I wish life can be as serene and peaceful and beautiful as that.

Finally, how can I miss my favourite flower--the rose! So got this picture of a half-withering rose. Thought it looks something special and different from the bright, blooming and alive red roses that I often see.

Okay. Just some other pictures that I really feel I should share!

2010-03-27T23:29:00.004+08:00

[fb versus blog]

It's been months now and the fb craze in Singapore is still going strong. And getting stronger, I feel. Even I find myself writing on fb more than blogging here. Well, trends have changed. Blogging used to be the in thing. Now it's fb. I wonder if my friends or anyone still reads my blog. It's not dead. But just that fb is now a more popular source of getting updates, that perhaps, one hardly turn to the author's blog to read up.

Well, in one way, I enjoy using fb. I find people I haven't seen in a long while esp my sec school mates. And connecting with people overseas. But I mainly used it to search for people then start chatting with them. It's fun, especially if the person is a frequent user of fb.

But I also start to notice getting into some kinda fix. Through all the "comments" on their status or writing on their wall and having back-and-forth response about a particular issue, it makes me feel as if I'm close to the person when, upon closer examination, I don't really know the person. Sure, care and concern is shown through the comments, we can laugh and joke about something, asking qns, clarifying and exclaiming about a particular topic...it can make others think that we are close friends already. But I actually don't know his/her character, values or surrounding issues he/she is facing. Hmm.

I'm quite puzzled at this when it's happening in front of me. And I wonder how to face this issue. Well, it ain't a big issue but it's still something. And things will suffice when I meet him/her face-to-face. Suddenly, all the jokes, laughter, chats and talks just seem to disappear all at once. And there's nothing much to talk about. I can imagine that man. I sure hope that fb doesn't allow me to create superfacial friendships but aid me in having deeper friendships. Hmm..how shall I tackle this and twist fb to my advantage in friendships? Hmm....

Another funny thing is having 2 conversations at the same time with the same person. Been seeing that happening recently. The situation goes like this: I commented on his status and so there's a back-and-forth response. Much like msn chat. And I wrote on his wall and when he replies, there's another back-and-forth chat. And it's all happening at the same time! On the same day, in the same few minutes! It's pretty hillarious as I switch my window page from one to another. It sure is something that chats won't allow me to do. In chats, only 1 conversation topic a time. Ha. Oh well. But it sure is confusing and funny just thinking and seeing it happen! Feels kinda weird too! You can try it if you haven't done so!

Well, about lines to draw btw fb and blog. I don't know. For some situations, I feel the lines are blurred. I don't know if I should write that something on my fb or blog. Some things are clear-cut. Like strong religion statements or something about an issue or a situation or a person. Those are surely in my blog which is personal too. Whereas things about my everyday activities or even special events. Hmm...I wonder if I should write it on fb. It can seem like I'm AA (Attracting Attention). But then again, almost everyone else does it too!

It feels totally weird when the privacy setting is low and all will read the status (I don't usually set it to share with certain ppl). And some people who read it may get affected or upset by it. I don't think I can control the privacy such that I disallow that particular person to see it. Even if it's possible, mutual friends will see it and pass the word around. Whereas, here on my blog, I have an idea or a rough scope of people who read my blog regularly. Hence, I'm more careful with my words. Anything that can affect them, I'll just draft it or not write it at all. Hmm...but on fb, everything's so open. So open...

Oh well. I just hope that the blogging trend doesn't die cos it's still a good outlet to let thoughts flow, exercise creativity in designing that post/skin and to communicate a message to your faithful readers :)

Thank you readers for reading this! *if you see this post*

2010-03-21T18:55:00.002+08:00

[Sunday]

I wish Sundays can really be Sunday. To be able to nap, rest and spend time doing what I like and with my family without feeling guilty.

I just woke up from a 1-hour nap which I had a hard time pulling myself outta bed. And now, I feel soooo guilty. There's still some work for me to do.

The boardgames have been laying in my cupboards untouched for years now. And I really feel like digging them out to play with my siblings. Not everyone has 2 other siblings to be play with and I should make use of this!

Tonight's Sunday Night Movie seems great! Quite a comedy and something light-hearted. Never heard before. Thought of watching but it just doesn't seem okay.

Ahh. I really wish Sundays can be Sunday--a day of rest. I really don't like doing work on Sunday. And I miss those days when I work. When all I have to do is go to the office from 830am-6pm. Thereafter, at night and in the weekends, you are free. Nothing to do and so carefree...

2010-03-19T01:23:00.002+08:00

[sleep]

Today feels very good. I have been on dry fuel the past few nights. Been sleeping at 2am and waking up very early. So last night was the peak. I knew my body cannot take it and i'm surviving on drugs--medicine--to keep my sore throat at bay. So I told myself that I don't want to wake up early anymore. I'm going to get a good rest. And so I did. For 8 hours of good slp though I slept at 230am last night.

And when I woke up, I felt good. I felt really recharged. And I thank God for that. For re-charging me both mind and body :) And I studied while at home too. Missed my mechanics tutorial :( Oh well.

Tml, friday, will be another day of studying! Yes! =) Now, I'm beginning to accept the fact that friday night will still be studying. At least for now since exams are in 4 weeks time! No joke man! Cannot leave my e-lectures till too last minute! Gotta catch up!!

I hope I'll sleep earlier each day too! And get enough rest! =) Don't want to go through what I went through just now!

2010-03-18T23:07:00.004+08:00

Give me Your eyes

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight

Touched down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos

All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what’s underneath

There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, He's buying time

I’ve been here a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
I need a second glance
Give me a second chance
To see the way you’ve seen the people all along

2010-03-15T15:32:00.003+08:00

Lead me Lord

Lead me Lord
Lead me by the hand
And make me face the rising sun

Comfort me through all the pain
That life may bring
There's no other hope that I can lean upon
Lead me Lord, lead me all my life

Walk by me
Walk by me across the lonely road
/that I may face

Take my arms and let your hand
Show me the way
Show the way to live inside your heart
All my days, all my life

You are my light
You're the lamb upon my feet
All the time my Lord
I need You there

You are my light
I (just) cannot live alone
Let me stay by Your guiding love

All through my life
Lead me Lord

Lead me Lord
Even though at times I'd rather go alone my way
Help me take the right direction
Take Your road

Lead me Lord and never leave my side
All my days
All my life

2010-03-14T00:23:00.006+08:00

[new gadgets]

That my family bought in this period of time! =) Cheers!

First up, my very own presentor! I'm so happy! Long awaited! And my mum bought it for me! =)

Then my sister's laptop! Isn't exactly bought at IT fair. But it's still something new! =)

Then at Ngee Ann Poly (where my sis got her laptop too), my dad bought this wireless headphone! Don't know for what motivation too. But he wanna plug it into the TV and listen to the sound without disturbing others and being disturbed by people talking! Okay lah. But the cool thing about it is that there's radio too! You can listen to radio on this wireless headphone! =) And there's a mic too! So can chat with ppl and plug it into the computer!

And that's my sister listening to radio while vacuuming the floor! The good thing about it!

And there's this headphone that is given free! for buying an ipod speaker. It has noise cancellation function! So when you turn it on, it cancels out alot of noise from the outside environment. Tested and proven by my brother on the public bus! Cool! =)

2010-03-13T23:50:00.003+08:00

[peace]

From my QT material yesterday

Text: Philippians 4:6-9

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

We can bring all our concerns to Him with an attitude of thankfulness--trusting Him to meet our needs.

Our peace comes from being confident that God is in control.

He alone provides the peace that
settles our nerves,
fills our minds with hope,
and allows us to relax
in the midst of changes and challenges.

Thank you Lord.

2010-03-12T00:51:00.003+08:00

[working-student]

I've been thinking back on this past week and I really think that I'm taking my studying as if it's an 8-5 job! I seriously think so and it's BAD!

Every time I'll leave for school and return home late at night. And whenever I reach home, I simply just spent the whole night relaxing and chilling out and doing everything BUT studying! I think I'm really taking it as if I'm working. Where I spent the whole day-time 'working' and after work, don't need to 'work' anymore. Just relax, chill, unwind and sleep for the next day!

Wah. This is bad man. It's really bad. Makes me lag behind by alot. Let's see what I had this week. Mon had BSF till night. Tue had the choir prac till late again. Wed had choir till 730pm, reached home at 9pm (irritatedly). And thus, today, was xroads. Man! What a hectic schedule and packed nights! Bad bad. I'm really a bad girl!

Ahh. I need to be more serious in my studying! Seriously! What do I have to do? LECTURE RECORDINGS! plus the lab reports are coming in already. And I need to get started on tutorials. Have been relying too much on the answers already! Bad! It's 5 more weeks to exams!! Ahh! Buck up Sharon! Come on! You can do it!

Tml, though I have the mindset that it's TGIF (Thank God It's Friday), I'm GOING TO STAY AT HOME and STUDY! Grr...just gotta bite my teeth and calm my itching heart to stay home and study! Catch up with work, Sharon!

[gadgets]

Oh yes! My mum just bought me a presentor! I'm sooo happy! I've been wanting to get it for a long time but it's out of my budget! Way out. It has price range of $70, $80 and $100. So I was very happy when I saw that presentor on the sofa! I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me cos the last conversation I had was that she would buy a wireless mouse for me!

This presentor cost $80+. And my mum says that I don't need to pay her for it! I'm so happy! It's like a gift to me! Yay! =)) Cheers! Next time, presentations will be smoother and better controlled! Hope to use it at crossroads too! For the speakers and the worship clicker too! Hope Choon Seang accepts my idea!

And mum bought this ipod loudspeaker thing! Where you put the ipod on it and the device will blast the music through the loudspeakers! Wow! Cool eh? For my sister! I'm so happy for her! And secretly, I wanted it too! I didn't know they will be selling it there at the IT fair! I was initially thinking of getting the ipod loudspeakers cum radio so I can bring to China. For me to listen to my songs when I'm bored and to the local radio stations when I'm more bored! Don't wanna keep using my laptop where the quality is bad. And I wanna hear the local radio stations too!

Initially I wanted to put that as my birthday wishlist. To give some suggestions to my friends to buy. But I didn't know it would be that expensive too! It cost $79 over at the IT fair ($20 less than the original price)! Shocking. Guess I gotta drop that notion. Or maybe settle for something less. I guess so :( But no matter what, I hope to bring a portable radio stereo there to China! =)

Oh well. I'm envious of my sis too! Haha. So gonna use it whenever too! :P Okay, Sarah?

2010-03-01T13:17:00.004+08:00

[spring]

Okay. We don't exactly have spring here in spore btu I do like to think that it's the season of spring. Always gives me hope. Hopefully, one day I can experience spring and see the beautiful flowers and the start of life that people talk about! Holland! The big park that has alot of flowers! Aww...if only I can go there. In fact, I shall make it a point that i WILL go there one day in my lifetime! I certainly do not want to waste an opportunity to see God's beautiful creation! =) gotta see it at least once before I leave this earth.

I came across this quote that I especially like:

Hope is a lot like spring. It clears away the icy grip of fear and the cold winds of sorrow.

Romans 15:13 "I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."

Hope is found in Jesus.

These speak alot to me during these times when I'm learning to trust Him and what it means to rely on Him. Thank God for His constant Word and encouragements from the different writers. I pray that I'll put them into action :) Hope this encourages you too!